Contemplative Approach to Recovery

This blog was first called "Catholic Twelve Steps" and later, "Paths to Grace".  With a new look and a new name, Garland of Grace Recovery Page, I want to once again pull focus and better define the shape this page is taking. Originally I thought I might draw up a new set of 12 Steps for recovery from a Catholic perspective, but as I have been writing, I have basically set aside that idea altogether. Instead, I have reflected upon what I have learned of Catholic teachings so far and applied that, along with the helpful tools I picked up as a long-time member of Al-Anon, to provide an alternative approach to healing. I have brought out the limitations of programs such as AA and Al-Anon and am proposing that a traditional Catholic way of living the sacramental life holds the fullest possibility of permanent sobriety and restoration of wholeness.

There is still much questioning to be done regarding the assumptions of the 12 Steps and teachings of Alcoholics Anonymous, upon which Al-Anon is based. I feel led now to a contemplative approach to solutions for both the addicts and those loved ones affected by such illnesses as alcoholism (and those conditions sometimes concurrently present, such as mental illness and depression).

Contemplation is defined as a) concentration on spiritual things as a form of devotion, and b) a state of mystical awareness of God's being.  For me, such contemplation ultimately relies upon Marian devotion, the "old school" devotion advocated by St. Louis de Montfort, of the to Jesus through Mary tradition. My personal practice of Catholicism also centers on the contemplation of Holy Wisdom and the wisdom tradition found in the Bible in books such as Proverbs, Job, Sirach, and the Wisdom of Solomon. For the fear of the Lord is the root of Wisdom, and by Wisdom we learn to practice true religion.

In my opinion, the contemplative, sacramental life is the supreme path to joy, wholeness, and a state of divine grace. You can begin simply with a daily time of prayer (the Rosary or reading from a Marian prayer book is helpful) and the reading of passages from the Wisdom books and from the Gospels. Regular attendance at Mass is crucial, and this blog will continue to give a more precise shape to the "Paths to Grace" (I will continue to use this particular name) program as we proceed.

With the help that I receive through the love and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, I hope to use my gift of language, by God's grace, to provide hope and understanding to others, as well as to make better sense of my own experiences. We can't expect an exemption from suffering, but we can learn to unite our sorrows to Jesus on the cross. We may not be able to be happy every moment of every day, whether or not the alcoholic is still drinking. But holiness is our goal, not freedom from pain. To drink of the eternal wellspring of joy daily is possible, while happiness will come and go. We must learn to know the difference. Let us not be satisfied with merely being "spiritual" in the new age way of indifferentism. Let us rather bring back Religion and seek the one, holy and apostolic Truth of the Church founded by our Lord and Savior.

St. Therese on Self-Defense

"When we are misunderstood and judged unfavorably, what good does it do to defend or explain ourselves? Let the matter drop and say nothing. It's so much better to say nothing and allow others to judge us as they please! We don't see in the Gospel where Mary explained herself when her sister accused her of remaining at Jesus' feet, doing nothing! She didn't say: 'Oh, Martha, if you only knew the joy I am experiencing, if you only heard the words I hear! And besides, it's Jesus who told me to remain here.' No, she preferred to remain silent. O blessed silence that gives so much peace to souls!"  -- St. Therese of Lisieux

 St. Therese of Lisieux, Doctor of the Church

When I read the above quote, I was amazed. It sounded just like advice I had learned in Al-Anon! But Therese lived only 24 years, from 1873-1897, way before the term "alcoholism" existed, certainly before there were any 12 step groups. If someone wanted to know the meaning of detachment, I would point him to St. Therese. But she was a saint, one of the most beloved of all time, we might argue. She is called the "Little Flower of Jesus", for heaven's sake. What hope have we of emulating this French Carmelite nun? But if we want to recover, to be at peace, to live life on our own terms, what choice do we have but to walk the path of the Little Flower? One thing we can do right now is to pray for her intercession! Search your library or the internet and read about this remarkable woman who became so holy is such a short while. She had much more to say.

Notice that Therese's attitude in no way sounds defensive. There is a lightness, just like we perceive in Mary of Bethany. We are not obligated to justify ourselves to anyone, nor to defend ourselves in any way. Defending against a thing makes it real. Therese's (and Mary of Bethany's) only reality was Jesus.

 Mary of Bethany

Much of the time, it is not other people who disappoint us; it is our expectations of them. For example, Renee is hurt because her mother compares her unfavorably to her siblings. She does not live up to her mother's expectations of her. When Renee then feels defensive, she may become unkind, or she may scramble to do the thing that she thinks will satisfy her mother. Such responses will inevitably backfire, and Renee will be living her life to please someone else, or she will behave in a way that makes her not feel good about herself. She will undercut her own self-worth by allowing her mother to find fault with her. Instead, Renee must face the painful truth that she is not unconditionally valued and accepted by her mother, respond as kindly as she can, and resist the urge to be a people pleaser. She must let go of her expectations that her mother will accept her exactly as she is.

Everyone is different, and Renee need not be like her brother or her sister. She only has to be the best Renee that she can be. Competition forced upon siblings, and favoritism shown by a parent, is no less harmful to adults than it is to children. If she takes the advice of St. Therese, Renee can see more clearly that insidious family merry-go-round and walk in the opposite direction, not in a state of anger, grief, or anxiety, but like a child through a field of wildflowers, the breeze playing in her hair.

Becoming like St. Therese and Mary of Bethany is not easy. But if we walk the path of holiness, how can we go wrong? We are the apple of our Father's eye, the beloved of our Blessed Mother. We are all seeds waiting to become Little Flowers. We don't have to respond to the accusations and expectations of others. We can just be. We can wait. We can pray. We can abide in sacred silence and trust that all will be well, if only we let go, empty ourselves, and allow ourselves to be filled with the light of Holy Wisdom--to be free.