I am doubting today whether the world needs yet another 12 Step program. The initial name for this blog was "Catholic Twelve Step Program," but I have changed it to "Paths of Grace". Yesterday I wrote that a restoration of sanctifying grace is what would most help both those seeking recovery from addiction and their loved ones. I don't know exactly what kind of "program" might come out of following such a path. A Catholic could certainly apply his faith to the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and its affiliated groups, being aware that the program is one of spiritual indifferentism. But there are issues with the content of the steps themselves, and that's what I want to begin to explore.
God is certainly integral to the 12 Steps, albeit in no particular form. But the worship of God is absent. Now, the AA or Al-Anon 12 Step program should not be a worship service. The doors are open to people of any religion or none, and the groups follow no religious creed. A Catholic would need to incorporate worship into his program privately and by attending Mass. "Paths to Grace," the name by which I will refer to my program for now, would of course incorporate worship.
To my way of thinking, the release of a person from the bondage of addiction (or obsessive thinking and emotional disturbance, in the case of the loved ones) must be perceived as a sort of salvation. This is achieved through God's grace by a living faith working in love. One actively participates in an ongoing renewal of faith, guided in his thoughts and behaviors by the indwelling Holy Spirit. He or she is, in short, made holy. It is sanctifying grace that one needs to achieve permanent sobriety and emotional, psychological, and spiritual wholeness. Worship of God is integral to this salvation. This goes way beyond Step 11, which is seeking conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation, "praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out." Is that all we should be praying for? What about other people, the sick and poor, our leaders, our children, widows? What about our threatened environment and God's other creatures? What about praying for peace and morality and the value of all life? It's not all about you or me. We need to get outside ourselves.
The 12 Steps culminate in experiencing a "spiritual awakening" as the result of these steps. So the 12th step is not really a step at all, but the hoped for culmination of the first eleven. A spiritual awakening is not something a person can do. Rather, it is a mystical experience resulting from a transcendent unity with God that is sometimes ecstatic. Not everyone has such experiences. Smaller "ah" moments, where something clicks, a light bulb goes on, so to speak, are more common for most people. Something is illuminated; a moment of clarity is achieved. Then what? Typically you do the steps over and over, going deeper as you come back to them. Then what? The common wisdom is that you practice them, and regularly attend meetings, forever. Some members' whole lives are centered around the program. It takes up an inordinate amount of time, and the fear of relapse (even for the nonalcoholic loved one, in his own way) and subsequent threat of insanity and/or death, is always hanging over one's head. The idea of powerlessness prevails, and the addict can never live a normal life without the program. But I will expand upon all that at another time.
A possible, alternative support group model might be built on something like the breastfeeding circle I attended when I lived in Columbus. A lactation consultant presided over the meeting, but mostly she was just available to answer questions and offer her expertise on whatever topics came up. Mostly the mothers shared their knowledge, advice, wisdom, experience, and support with each other in an informal way. You could go to meetings whenever you wanted. When you were done breastfeeding, you stopped going. Perhaps a Catholic spiritual director could preside over Paths of Grace meetings in a similar way.
There could also be literature available for other relevant resources, such as treatment centers, doctors, psychiatrists and therapists who would work cooperatively with the group. The approach would be more holistic, preparing a person to live a life of wholeness and permanent sobriety (and permanent abstinence may not be necessary in every case). Basic concepts could be written to guide people to recovery from a Catholic perspective, incorporating the sacraments of the Church. A daily reader, or meditation book, on how to cope with particular emotions and situations could be available. The group would not be alone. Another thing missing from AA and similar groups is the equivalent of a magisterium, or teaching office, to interpret the program, with authority regarding how it is practiced. This results in all sorts of problems, some of which I have previously covered and will continue to explore. (It has been suggested that such an authoritative office would destroy AA, so we will leave it alone and seek another path.)
My sincere hope is that in my re-evaluation of the 12 Steps, together with my continued exploration of Catholicism, the teachings of the Church may provide what is missing for those living in the hell of active addiction, as well as for those families and friends affected by such disorders.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Paths to God
In "God Versus a Random Higher Power," I suggested that the initial path to God might be found in any religious or spiritual tradition, and I'd like to elaborate on that idea. I think that God can use anything to lead a person to him, and the working of these mysterious ways is not always evident to someone else. My own spiritual journey is a good example. Baptized in the Church of Christ at the age of 8, I grew up in that denomination, followed by my family's membership in nondenominational and charismatic Christian churches. I was a very religious young person, active in church youth groups. My faith was challenged in college, but in the end it was strengthened as a result. As a single adult I did not always belong to a particular church but would sporadically attend when visiting my parents and grandparents. I went to a Church of Christ in Columbus, and then after I was married I attended the Unity Church, a metaphysical Christian denomination with some New Age elements. After moving to my current home I visited many churches and settled on the First Presbyterian, eventually being guided to the Catholic Church.
For many years along the way I searched for the Divine Feminine, and in my studies of goddess spirituality and mythology I encountered Kuan Yin, a bodhisattva of the Buddhist tradition, sometimes referred to as the Chinese goddess of mercy. From my experience with Kuan Yin I grew spiritually in the areas of compassion, empathy, and motherly love. I had found an image of the sacred feminine. She reminded me in some ways of Jesus, but otherwise I could not reconcile her with Christianity, so I still felt split. Once I called upon Mary, she quickly lead me back to her son, and finally I came to know the reflection of God's feminine face and maternal love in her. The masculine and feminine were reconciled for me in Catholicism.
The point is, while I may have appeared to veer dangerously off the path, God took what he had to work with, in my case, interest in goddess spirituality, and lead me to the fullness of the the Christian faith! For the alcoholic and his loved ones, I think a Catholic approach to the Twelve Steps could also be started from any religious tradition, or none, but I believe that God's will is for all humankind to join the mystical Body of Christ. This is where the full restoration of grace can be found. Alcoholics Anonymous and its affiliated groups are limited in what they can do toward providing help and healing. God can use those programs, and I believe he does, and they can serve as an initial path to the healing of alcoholism and its effects upon loved ones.
There are seven sacraments in the Catholic tradition which are signs of the grace we receive from God. I think that four of these--Baptism, Confirmation, the Eucharist, and Penance and Reconciliation--need to be integrated into the 12 Steps. Perhaps this could be done in conjunction with the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults. A person would not have to be Catholic, or even Christian at all, to begin the Catholic Twelve Steps, but there would be the hope of the restoration of the sanctifying grace which leads to wholeness and holiness for anyone who wants it--a true and lasting sobriety.
For many years along the way I searched for the Divine Feminine, and in my studies of goddess spirituality and mythology I encountered Kuan Yin, a bodhisattva of the Buddhist tradition, sometimes referred to as the Chinese goddess of mercy. From my experience with Kuan Yin I grew spiritually in the areas of compassion, empathy, and motherly love. I had found an image of the sacred feminine. She reminded me in some ways of Jesus, but otherwise I could not reconcile her with Christianity, so I still felt split. Once I called upon Mary, she quickly lead me back to her son, and finally I came to know the reflection of God's feminine face and maternal love in her. The masculine and feminine were reconciled for me in Catholicism.
The point is, while I may have appeared to veer dangerously off the path, God took what he had to work with, in my case, interest in goddess spirituality, and lead me to the fullness of the the Christian faith! For the alcoholic and his loved ones, I think a Catholic approach to the Twelve Steps could also be started from any religious tradition, or none, but I believe that God's will is for all humankind to join the mystical Body of Christ. This is where the full restoration of grace can be found. Alcoholics Anonymous and its affiliated groups are limited in what they can do toward providing help and healing. God can use those programs, and I believe he does, and they can serve as an initial path to the healing of alcoholism and its effects upon loved ones.
There are seven sacraments in the Catholic tradition which are signs of the grace we receive from God. I think that four of these--Baptism, Confirmation, the Eucharist, and Penance and Reconciliation--need to be integrated into the 12 Steps. Perhaps this could be done in conjunction with the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults. A person would not have to be Catholic, or even Christian at all, to begin the Catholic Twelve Steps, but there would be the hope of the restoration of the sanctifying grace which leads to wholeness and holiness for anyone who wants it--a true and lasting sobriety.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The 12 Step Program as Onion
It is a curious phenomenon to me that my spiritual journey has led me to a re-evaluation of the 12 Step programs of Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. I am not an alcoholic, and so I cannot speak for alcoholics. I am, however, the friend and family member of many alcoholics, and I was an active member of Al-Anon, the support group for the friends and family of alcoholics, for 10 years. I even started an Al-Anon group in the town in which I live that ran for over a year. As I have expressed before, these blog articles are written in the literary genre of the personal essay. This is not a research paper, unbiased and replete with nothing but confirmable facts. There are surely readers who question whether or not I "know what I am talking about" regarding various subjects. I do my best to write with the utmost integrity, from the position of my education and experiences. My goal is not to provide a balanced list of the pros and cons in a disinterested sort of way. I know what I know, and I don't claim to know it all.
Also, the spiritual journey is, by nature, never finished. I have not yet drawn any firm conclusions. I am like a detective following clues, not yet sure how they will all fit together. Will this crime ever be solved? He doesn't know, but faith and hope prompt him to keep looking, and to not rule out any possible connections or suspects, whether the evidence seems logical or not. He just knows, somehow, that he is on to something. When a house burns down, the inspectors sift through the rubble looking for the source of the fire. Those who lived in the home salvage what they can and move on. Or maybe it is a storm that destroys the house, and when they rebuild, they do so on higher ground. In any case, after the smoke clears and some semblance of order has been restored, it is wise to reflect on what worked well, what did not, and why. This is the reason we study history, people! We need to understand ourselves, why we act, think, and believe as we do, what happened to get us where we are today, and how we can avoid repeating our mistakes. I am the camel who rides bravely through the storm, not the one who sticks his head in the sand. I am not bound by political correctness or paralyzed by the fear of offending someone. The reactions of others are not something one can control anyway.
This is what prompts the writer to write, this feeling that she is on to something. If she were not, then no strong reaction would occur in the reader. He would not click on the link unless the title piqued his curiosity in the first place. He would not be moved to laugh, or cry, or become angry, or to think, if there wasn't a good point being made somewhere. It must too be understood that the writer is not her blog, anymore than the poet is the poem, or the artist is the painting. Surely something of the creator is in the creation. But the paradox is that the artist must be detached to a certain point from the thing he makes, or gives birth to, for his work to be good. So I separate myself from the page, and I hope the reader has the sense to do the same.
Metaphor serves us well in this detective story, so let me get on with the onion. Often in Al-Anon I heard a member describe the process of his spiritual growth through the program as the peeling away of a layer of an onion. Each time he made a discovery or understood something, there was another layer underneath, so he had to just keep peeling. Now, I understand that all metaphors are limited. It would be silly to imagine that the whole program could be explained with this produce comparison. But perhaps it gives a clue as to why I found myself disillusioned and needed to move on from Al-Anon, just as I became unsatisfied with the particular brand of Christianity I had known. Have you ever peeled an onion? It makes me cry. A brilliant thing I heard in the rooms of Al-Anon was that it is possible to learn one's lessons through joy rather than always through pain. Maybe the onion is the painful part of the path. An onion has a base from which it grows, but it has nothing comparable to a core, such as you find in an apple.
The apple has a skin right on the surface that contains the highest concentration of nutrients in the fruit. Then you have that fleshy part that you can really sink your teeth into, and it is sweet and juicy, especially if it's organic and in season. But then you hit the core, and you have to stop and wonder, even be in awe. What are these things in the middle? True, you can eat them. But if you plant them, you can grow a whole new tree and a whole crop of apples. Why, you can have an arbor or a whole forest! Like Johnny Appleseed, you could even travel the nation and plant these seeds everywhere you go, and the variety of apples could become nearly endless. So the onion and apple are the points of departure for what appears to be a whole series on this subject of what is missing with the 12 Step program. My working hypothesis, then, is that the 12 Step program is more like the onion than the apple. It has its base and value, but perhaps what is missing is a core. I have finished with the onion and am working my way through the flesh of the fruit. I did not discard the peel, I ate it. And when I get to the core, hopefully I will find out what to do with it!
As a final note, allow me to make another analogy. As a student Montessori teacher, I spent an entire weekend in teacher training every month. Inspired by the writings of Montessori and the discussions of her brilliant method, I would be excited to try these techniques and apply these theories in the classroom. Sometimes my mentor teacher took the wind out of my sails by admonishing me that at the end of the day, you have to do what works in your particular classroom. Following the truth in what she said, I will argue that what I have observed and experienced in Al-Anon and AA meetings, and what I have seen regarding what people actually do with the Big Book and Conference Approved Literature and how they practice the program sheds just as much light on how these programs actually work as does knowledge of what the books themselves say. This is my opinion, and by gosh by golly, I will not be derailed by self-doubt or the frowns of others, for I am on to something! Perhaps, dear Watson, it is elementary after all.
Also, the spiritual journey is, by nature, never finished. I have not yet drawn any firm conclusions. I am like a detective following clues, not yet sure how they will all fit together. Will this crime ever be solved? He doesn't know, but faith and hope prompt him to keep looking, and to not rule out any possible connections or suspects, whether the evidence seems logical or not. He just knows, somehow, that he is on to something. When a house burns down, the inspectors sift through the rubble looking for the source of the fire. Those who lived in the home salvage what they can and move on. Or maybe it is a storm that destroys the house, and when they rebuild, they do so on higher ground. In any case, after the smoke clears and some semblance of order has been restored, it is wise to reflect on what worked well, what did not, and why. This is the reason we study history, people! We need to understand ourselves, why we act, think, and believe as we do, what happened to get us where we are today, and how we can avoid repeating our mistakes. I am the camel who rides bravely through the storm, not the one who sticks his head in the sand. I am not bound by political correctness or paralyzed by the fear of offending someone. The reactions of others are not something one can control anyway.
This is what prompts the writer to write, this feeling that she is on to something. If she were not, then no strong reaction would occur in the reader. He would not click on the link unless the title piqued his curiosity in the first place. He would not be moved to laugh, or cry, or become angry, or to think, if there wasn't a good point being made somewhere. It must too be understood that the writer is not her blog, anymore than the poet is the poem, or the artist is the painting. Surely something of the creator is in the creation. But the paradox is that the artist must be detached to a certain point from the thing he makes, or gives birth to, for his work to be good. So I separate myself from the page, and I hope the reader has the sense to do the same.
Metaphor serves us well in this detective story, so let me get on with the onion. Often in Al-Anon I heard a member describe the process of his spiritual growth through the program as the peeling away of a layer of an onion. Each time he made a discovery or understood something, there was another layer underneath, so he had to just keep peeling. Now, I understand that all metaphors are limited. It would be silly to imagine that the whole program could be explained with this produce comparison. But perhaps it gives a clue as to why I found myself disillusioned and needed to move on from Al-Anon, just as I became unsatisfied with the particular brand of Christianity I had known. Have you ever peeled an onion? It makes me cry. A brilliant thing I heard in the rooms of Al-Anon was that it is possible to learn one's lessons through joy rather than always through pain. Maybe the onion is the painful part of the path. An onion has a base from which it grows, but it has nothing comparable to a core, such as you find in an apple.
The apple has a skin right on the surface that contains the highest concentration of nutrients in the fruit. Then you have that fleshy part that you can really sink your teeth into, and it is sweet and juicy, especially if it's organic and in season. But then you hit the core, and you have to stop and wonder, even be in awe. What are these things in the middle? True, you can eat them. But if you plant them, you can grow a whole new tree and a whole crop of apples. Why, you can have an arbor or a whole forest! Like Johnny Appleseed, you could even travel the nation and plant these seeds everywhere you go, and the variety of apples could become nearly endless. So the onion and apple are the points of departure for what appears to be a whole series on this subject of what is missing with the 12 Step program. My working hypothesis, then, is that the 12 Step program is more like the onion than the apple. It has its base and value, but perhaps what is missing is a core. I have finished with the onion and am working my way through the flesh of the fruit. I did not discard the peel, I ate it. And when I get to the core, hopefully I will find out what to do with it!
As a final note, allow me to make another analogy. As a student Montessori teacher, I spent an entire weekend in teacher training every month. Inspired by the writings of Montessori and the discussions of her brilliant method, I would be excited to try these techniques and apply these theories in the classroom. Sometimes my mentor teacher took the wind out of my sails by admonishing me that at the end of the day, you have to do what works in your particular classroom. Following the truth in what she said, I will argue that what I have observed and experienced in Al-Anon and AA meetings, and what I have seen regarding what people actually do with the Big Book and Conference Approved Literature and how they practice the program sheds just as much light on how these programs actually work as does knowledge of what the books themselves say. This is my opinion, and by gosh by golly, I will not be derailed by self-doubt or the frowns of others, for I am on to something! Perhaps, dear Watson, it is elementary after all.
Sin Versus "Defects of Character"
While I am not officially Catholic yet, readers have probably noticed by now that my spiritual journey is leading me in that direction. I am still a student, and my reading takes me deeper and deeper into the fullness of the Christian faith. So what I write about here has been clarified for me specifically through a Catholic perspective and cannot be separated from it. Sometimes the insights I gain are surprising and may not seem to be immediately related, like my last post on the limits of 12 Step groups. Again I am finding myself connecting some interesting dots.
In the 12 Steps, after you have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself, you admit to God (as you understand Him), to yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs. (After doing these steps myself in Al-Anon, it dawned on me, a Protestant, that the Catholic sacramament of Confession is not a bad idea!) Then when you are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, you humbly ask Him to remove your shortcomings.
Some people are afraid that this process with leave them with holes like in Swiss cheese, and they will not be themselves anymore. But the program literature assures that God will replace these character defects with something better. This all sounds fine, and certainly with the practice of these steps--and in the case of an alcoholic, with continued sobriety--one may indeed find himself more humble, not so short-tempered, less selfish, etc... If you practice the program right, the Big Book says, you will not relapse. Relapse under this program, done as directed by the Big Book, is said to be rare.
So when a person with long term sobriety suddenly goes on a drinking binge, his friends in the program are aghast, especially if the person does not have any major life issues to trigger the drinking. He has a good job, good friends, a loving wife and children, his health, an AA sponsor, and no one he loves has died. He attends regular meetings and practices the steps. So what happened?! They begin to ask questions and look for clues and prompt the alcoholic to do the same. Well, he only attended 3 meetings instead of his usual five this week. He hadn't talked to his sponsor in over a week. Is his marriage secretly unhappy?
I have to wonder, is sobriety in AA really so fragile? Does a person really have to attend a magical number of meetings or talk to his sponsor within a certain range of time, and keep doing these things for the rest of his life for the program to stick? And then the poor wife or husband of the alcoholic goes to Al-Anon and hears that by doing that program, he or she can be happy whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Which is certainly a hopeful thought, and the Al-Anon member does the same 12 Steps himself, and he too can achieve serenity if he keeps coming back. Yet with every best human effort and intention, things still fall apart many, many times, and the center cannot hold. (The success rate of AA is something like 3%.) Feelings of guilt, shame and remorse are to be avoided, as they might lead the alcoholic to even more drinking.
I mentioned Confession earlier. This is the confession of sins done in the presence of a priest. Wait, did I say sins? Are those kind of like "defects of character" or "shortcomings"? Hmm. "Shortcomings" sounds so much nicer than "sins". And sin alludes to religion, and this program does not have religious affiliations, although some people get very cranky if someone refuses to say "The Lord's Prayer" at the end of a meeting. But if there is no religious affiliation, why should anyone object to a member who does not recite a specifically Christian prayer, but chooses to remain silent while the rest of the group says it? Ah, because each group does what it wants. There is no authority holding them to the traditions. It has been known that a person who comes into the group and points out practices that go against the traditions may be told, "This is the way we do things here" and "You are trying to take over."
Another example of bending the rules to one's own liking is seen in the area of sexual relations. It is common wisdom that a new person coming into the AA program should not start a new relationship until he has been sober for a year. This is good policy. The way around this that I witnessed was in the qualification of the men regarding "relationship." It was okay to have a "lady friend," or many of them, and to have sex with them, as long as you didn't call her a "girlfriend." Using a person you did not care for, for your sexual gratification, was fine as long as she was just using you too, or you at least told her you did not want a "relationship". Clearly, the point of getting oneself sober and spiritually healthy, along with getting one's life together before trying to interact responsibly in an intimate relationship with another human being, who does have feelings and is not just a body, was grievously missed. Does this sound like a "defect of character", or does it sound like sin?
To quote Scott Hahn, sin is not just broken laws--it is a broken life, a broken home, a broken heart. To sin, in strictly literal terms, is to "miss the mark." In religious terms, the mark is God, and God is Love. To sin is to lose unity with God and Love (and this unity with God is implied in the 12 Step practice of turning one's will and life over to Him). Sin is when your own will is not in alignment with His. The Holy Spirit comes as a fire to restore that Love. This is not only about the removal of character defects. Adam and Eve felt guilt, shame, and remorse when they disobeyed God and fell from grace. This is not about beating yourself in the head with a brick when you make a mistake. To fully acknowledge your sin is to be open to receive the restoration of grace and the salvation of your very soul.
If magical thinking in the way of attending meetings and talking to your sponsor and following secular steps, whether they are deemed spiritual or not, is relied upon for sobriety, then there is no possibility of ever being a recovered alcoholic or Al-Anon person, but only a forever recovering one. I have experienced the comfort, help, hope, strength, and experience of people who have had similar problems in the rooms of Al-Anon, but it seems that eventually the 12 Step program can become frayed at the edges and full of holes. It stops short of something that perhaps would bring it to wholeness, and that is holiness.
Finding one's own, personal truth is secular in nature. These 12 Step programs need to say to their members, "Hey, eventually we will have done for you all we can do here. We are limited. You are always welcome back if you need us, but at some point you need to move on and find the ultimate Truth, and don't stop searching until you do! Face your guilt, shame, and remorse, and seek forgiveness and salvation." For our sins cannot be brushed under the carpet, saying, "Oh darn, there goes that shortcoming again..." There is danger in making the 12 Step program an idol. The group should not become one's permanent higher power; at some point you need to unite yourself with the Kingdom of God. Your ultimate recovery does not live in the rooms of AA and Al-Anon, and nothing less than lives, families, children, and souls are at stake here.
In the 12 Steps, after you have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself, you admit to God (as you understand Him), to yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs. (After doing these steps myself in Al-Anon, it dawned on me, a Protestant, that the Catholic sacramament of Confession is not a bad idea!) Then when you are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, you humbly ask Him to remove your shortcomings.
Some people are afraid that this process with leave them with holes like in Swiss cheese, and they will not be themselves anymore. But the program literature assures that God will replace these character defects with something better. This all sounds fine, and certainly with the practice of these steps--and in the case of an alcoholic, with continued sobriety--one may indeed find himself more humble, not so short-tempered, less selfish, etc... If you practice the program right, the Big Book says, you will not relapse. Relapse under this program, done as directed by the Big Book, is said to be rare.
So when a person with long term sobriety suddenly goes on a drinking binge, his friends in the program are aghast, especially if the person does not have any major life issues to trigger the drinking. He has a good job, good friends, a loving wife and children, his health, an AA sponsor, and no one he loves has died. He attends regular meetings and practices the steps. So what happened?! They begin to ask questions and look for clues and prompt the alcoholic to do the same. Well, he only attended 3 meetings instead of his usual five this week. He hadn't talked to his sponsor in over a week. Is his marriage secretly unhappy?
I have to wonder, is sobriety in AA really so fragile? Does a person really have to attend a magical number of meetings or talk to his sponsor within a certain range of time, and keep doing these things for the rest of his life for the program to stick? And then the poor wife or husband of the alcoholic goes to Al-Anon and hears that by doing that program, he or she can be happy whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Which is certainly a hopeful thought, and the Al-Anon member does the same 12 Steps himself, and he too can achieve serenity if he keeps coming back. Yet with every best human effort and intention, things still fall apart many, many times, and the center cannot hold. (The success rate of AA is something like 3%.) Feelings of guilt, shame and remorse are to be avoided, as they might lead the alcoholic to even more drinking.
I mentioned Confession earlier. This is the confession of sins done in the presence of a priest. Wait, did I say sins? Are those kind of like "defects of character" or "shortcomings"? Hmm. "Shortcomings" sounds so much nicer than "sins". And sin alludes to religion, and this program does not have religious affiliations, although some people get very cranky if someone refuses to say "The Lord's Prayer" at the end of a meeting. But if there is no religious affiliation, why should anyone object to a member who does not recite a specifically Christian prayer, but chooses to remain silent while the rest of the group says it? Ah, because each group does what it wants. There is no authority holding them to the traditions. It has been known that a person who comes into the group and points out practices that go against the traditions may be told, "This is the way we do things here" and "You are trying to take over."
Another example of bending the rules to one's own liking is seen in the area of sexual relations. It is common wisdom that a new person coming into the AA program should not start a new relationship until he has been sober for a year. This is good policy. The way around this that I witnessed was in the qualification of the men regarding "relationship." It was okay to have a "lady friend," or many of them, and to have sex with them, as long as you didn't call her a "girlfriend." Using a person you did not care for, for your sexual gratification, was fine as long as she was just using you too, or you at least told her you did not want a "relationship". Clearly, the point of getting oneself sober and spiritually healthy, along with getting one's life together before trying to interact responsibly in an intimate relationship with another human being, who does have feelings and is not just a body, was grievously missed. Does this sound like a "defect of character", or does it sound like sin?
To quote Scott Hahn, sin is not just broken laws--it is a broken life, a broken home, a broken heart. To sin, in strictly literal terms, is to "miss the mark." In religious terms, the mark is God, and God is Love. To sin is to lose unity with God and Love (and this unity with God is implied in the 12 Step practice of turning one's will and life over to Him). Sin is when your own will is not in alignment with His. The Holy Spirit comes as a fire to restore that Love. This is not only about the removal of character defects. Adam and Eve felt guilt, shame, and remorse when they disobeyed God and fell from grace. This is not about beating yourself in the head with a brick when you make a mistake. To fully acknowledge your sin is to be open to receive the restoration of grace and the salvation of your very soul.
If magical thinking in the way of attending meetings and talking to your sponsor and following secular steps, whether they are deemed spiritual or not, is relied upon for sobriety, then there is no possibility of ever being a recovered alcoholic or Al-Anon person, but only a forever recovering one. I have experienced the comfort, help, hope, strength, and experience of people who have had similar problems in the rooms of Al-Anon, but it seems that eventually the 12 Step program can become frayed at the edges and full of holes. It stops short of something that perhaps would bring it to wholeness, and that is holiness.
Finding one's own, personal truth is secular in nature. These 12 Step programs need to say to their members, "Hey, eventually we will have done for you all we can do here. We are limited. You are always welcome back if you need us, but at some point you need to move on and find the ultimate Truth, and don't stop searching until you do! Face your guilt, shame, and remorse, and seek forgiveness and salvation." For our sins cannot be brushed under the carpet, saying, "Oh darn, there goes that shortcoming again..." There is danger in making the 12 Step program an idol. The group should not become one's permanent higher power; at some point you need to unite yourself with the Kingdom of God. Your ultimate recovery does not live in the rooms of AA and Al-Anon, and nothing less than lives, families, children, and souls are at stake here.
God Versus a Random "Higher Power"
To be fair, let me begin by saying that 12-step groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, and Al-Anon, for the friends and family of alcoholics, have helped tons of people and saved many lives. In no way do I mean to discourage anyone from getting the help they need by attending the meetings of such groups. However, what I want to discuss here are the limitations of these programs and how this relates to family life. I was myself an Al-Anon member for 10 years, so this is an informed opinion.
When you come into AA or Al-Anon, for the program to work you must believe in a "higher power." The program is not religious, they say, but it is spiritual. For atheists or those with bad experiences in organized religion, alternatives to God such as "good orderly direction" or "creator" are designated as suggestions for the higher power. One woman in Al-Anon began with a bar of soap as her higher power until she could sort out who exactly was this power who was greater than herself. So she turned her will and her life over to a bar of soap for the time being.
This is all well and good I suppose, but at some point, this higher power needs to be someone with authority. Someone you can, in reality, turn your will and life over to. Does "good orderly direction" really cut the mustard? Can "good orderly direction" hear one's prayers? Can he answer them? Even if an alcoholic "recovers" and never drinks again, can sobriety, that is, wholeness and emotional and spiritual health, truly be achieved without the one, true God being the one who delivers the alcoholic from the bondage of addiction and his "defects of character"? If the well isn't deep enough, what happens when the bucket comes up dry? It is my opinion that help may be found in these rooms, and a respite from one's troubles, and the comfort of those who have suffered in a similar way. God can, and surely does, work through this program. But I fear that holiness is not intrinsic to what is ultimately a secular "religion" of its own. There is a reason for the relapses and low success rate of people who get sober and stay sober in AA.
At the last Al-Anon meeting I attended, a woman who simply voiced her frustration with, "Why can't my mom just stop drinking?" was verbally attacked by several holier-than-thou people. For the entire meeting, there was cross talk and interruption, and the chair person allowed the meeting to go over the one hour allotment of time. While this was one of the most extreme cases I witnessed of meeting disintegration, it is an unfortunately common pattern. The poor woman seeking validation did not receive words of experience, strength, and hope, but rather, judgment and condemnation. And from my experience with alcoholics, AA is rampant with gossip and abuse of its principles, too. Ah, but the argument goes that we place "principles above personalities" in these groups. So you take what you like and leave the rest.
This brings me to a conversation with a friend regarding the differences between Protestants and Catholics. "But why do you have to choose?" she wondered. "Why can't you just take what you like from each?" Because I have a child is why, and she agreed that yes, when you are teaching a child, you need to be specific and clear. The path must not be rife with trees painted with arrows pointing in all manner of possible directions. No wishy washy Charlie Browniness in the case of nurturing the spiritual growth of a child. Why should it be different for babes lost in the woods of addiction? In the case of AA and its affiliates, there is "conference approved literature", and there are the steps, traditions, and concepts. And slogans and pat answers to real problems. But who in the heck is really in charge? The God of Soap Bars?!
It's just like churches that each have their own set of beliefs, based on the images of the men who started the churches, and for whom they are named (or from whom those churches descended). These men were all Christians but they interpreted the Bible according to their own ideas, regardless of the clear history of the Church that goes all the way back to Peter, the rock upon whom Jesus said his Church was to be built. Furthermore, the Bible gives clear authority to that Church and its traditions, both oral and written. There is nothing in the Bible that says the written scriptures are the only authority. Like it or not, it is specifically the Catholic Church that can trace its lineage, biblical interpretation, traditions, and hierarchical authority back to Peter, which is to say, straight back to Jesus. It was the Catholic Church, not Luther, who gave us the Bible in the first place. In fact, Luther wanted to remove a few New Testament books that didn't sit well with him. I know, can of worms open. But there can't be umpteen versions of the truth. You may have part of the truth in any religion, and goodness and heavenly light, but what is needed in this broken world is the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth.
In 12 Step groups, the sad fact is that there is not one true God. Also, there appears to be no clear authority defining the exact meaning of these steps and traditions and how they are to be followed. Everyone has his opinion. Take what you want from the buffet and make your own grilled cheese with peanut butter and tabassco sauce sandwich. Top it with syrup and Captain Crunch cereal, as you see fit. I do agree that there is wisdom in not forcing a particular religion on people trying to get sober. They need to clear their heads and learn the program gently, in small pieces at a time. Yes, it is recommended to have a sponsor with experience in the program and long term sobriety to guide you, but this is still just a person. The pertinent question is, ultimately, who is your God?
At the end of every meeting is the chant, "Keep coming back. It works if you work it!" But despite the principles, you still have the personalities, and at the end of the day your meat needs to come off a solid bone, not from a can of spam. If you find yourself alone in the African jungle surrounded by poisonous snakes, your sponsor has been eaten by a lion, and there is no meeting within walking distance, but there is a bar in the next village, who you gonna call? The initial path to God might be found in any of the world's great religious and spiritual traditions, not limited to Christianity. I personally find Native American spirituality to be beautiful. I just wish that the ultimate message of 12 step groups is that the group itself cannot serve as a higher power, as it seems to for many. Those souls searching for help and healing need to be encouraged to search endlessly for the truth of God.
When you come into AA or Al-Anon, for the program to work you must believe in a "higher power." The program is not religious, they say, but it is spiritual. For atheists or those with bad experiences in organized religion, alternatives to God such as "good orderly direction" or "creator" are designated as suggestions for the higher power. One woman in Al-Anon began with a bar of soap as her higher power until she could sort out who exactly was this power who was greater than herself. So she turned her will and her life over to a bar of soap for the time being.
This is all well and good I suppose, but at some point, this higher power needs to be someone with authority. Someone you can, in reality, turn your will and life over to. Does "good orderly direction" really cut the mustard? Can "good orderly direction" hear one's prayers? Can he answer them? Even if an alcoholic "recovers" and never drinks again, can sobriety, that is, wholeness and emotional and spiritual health, truly be achieved without the one, true God being the one who delivers the alcoholic from the bondage of addiction and his "defects of character"? If the well isn't deep enough, what happens when the bucket comes up dry? It is my opinion that help may be found in these rooms, and a respite from one's troubles, and the comfort of those who have suffered in a similar way. God can, and surely does, work through this program. But I fear that holiness is not intrinsic to what is ultimately a secular "religion" of its own. There is a reason for the relapses and low success rate of people who get sober and stay sober in AA.
At the last Al-Anon meeting I attended, a woman who simply voiced her frustration with, "Why can't my mom just stop drinking?" was verbally attacked by several holier-than-thou people. For the entire meeting, there was cross talk and interruption, and the chair person allowed the meeting to go over the one hour allotment of time. While this was one of the most extreme cases I witnessed of meeting disintegration, it is an unfortunately common pattern. The poor woman seeking validation did not receive words of experience, strength, and hope, but rather, judgment and condemnation. And from my experience with alcoholics, AA is rampant with gossip and abuse of its principles, too. Ah, but the argument goes that we place "principles above personalities" in these groups. So you take what you like and leave the rest.
This brings me to a conversation with a friend regarding the differences between Protestants and Catholics. "But why do you have to choose?" she wondered. "Why can't you just take what you like from each?" Because I have a child is why, and she agreed that yes, when you are teaching a child, you need to be specific and clear. The path must not be rife with trees painted with arrows pointing in all manner of possible directions. No wishy washy Charlie Browniness in the case of nurturing the spiritual growth of a child. Why should it be different for babes lost in the woods of addiction? In the case of AA and its affiliates, there is "conference approved literature", and there are the steps, traditions, and concepts. And slogans and pat answers to real problems. But who in the heck is really in charge? The God of Soap Bars?!
It's just like churches that each have their own set of beliefs, based on the images of the men who started the churches, and for whom they are named (or from whom those churches descended). These men were all Christians but they interpreted the Bible according to their own ideas, regardless of the clear history of the Church that goes all the way back to Peter, the rock upon whom Jesus said his Church was to be built. Furthermore, the Bible gives clear authority to that Church and its traditions, both oral and written. There is nothing in the Bible that says the written scriptures are the only authority. Like it or not, it is specifically the Catholic Church that can trace its lineage, biblical interpretation, traditions, and hierarchical authority back to Peter, which is to say, straight back to Jesus. It was the Catholic Church, not Luther, who gave us the Bible in the first place. In fact, Luther wanted to remove a few New Testament books that didn't sit well with him. I know, can of worms open. But there can't be umpteen versions of the truth. You may have part of the truth in any religion, and goodness and heavenly light, but what is needed in this broken world is the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth.
In 12 Step groups, the sad fact is that there is not one true God. Also, there appears to be no clear authority defining the exact meaning of these steps and traditions and how they are to be followed. Everyone has his opinion. Take what you want from the buffet and make your own grilled cheese with peanut butter and tabassco sauce sandwich. Top it with syrup and Captain Crunch cereal, as you see fit. I do agree that there is wisdom in not forcing a particular religion on people trying to get sober. They need to clear their heads and learn the program gently, in small pieces at a time. Yes, it is recommended to have a sponsor with experience in the program and long term sobriety to guide you, but this is still just a person. The pertinent question is, ultimately, who is your God?
At the end of every meeting is the chant, "Keep coming back. It works if you work it!" But despite the principles, you still have the personalities, and at the end of the day your meat needs to come off a solid bone, not from a can of spam. If you find yourself alone in the African jungle surrounded by poisonous snakes, your sponsor has been eaten by a lion, and there is no meeting within walking distance, but there is a bar in the next village, who you gonna call? The initial path to God might be found in any of the world's great religious and spiritual traditions, not limited to Christianity. I personally find Native American spirituality to be beautiful. I just wish that the ultimate message of 12 step groups is that the group itself cannot serve as a higher power, as it seems to for many. Those souls searching for help and healing need to be encouraged to search endlessly for the truth of God.
The 12 Steps--A Catholic Perspective
While writing one day, I had the sudden realization that I was discovering parallels between my dissatisfaction with Protestant Christianity and my disillusionment with Al-Anon, the support group for the families and friends of alcoholics. I was gaining new insights from a Catholic perspective, initiated by the intense amount of reading I have been doing as I go about the process of converting to the Catholic Faith.
The 12 Steps of the Al-Anon program are the same as those used by Alcoholics Anonymous, but from the perspective of people affected by the drinking of another. Alcoholism is understood as a family illness; that is, the friends and family of an alcoholic can become seriously unbalanced themselves. Al-Anon is a support group for the loved ones of alcoholics which also follows the same traditions as AA. Both groups are grounded on spiritual principles but have no religious affiliation. Both groups have provided much needed help to countless people. AA gives the alcoholic a way to get sober, and Al-Anon gives his loved ones a way to cope with the disease of alcoholism and its destructive, heartbreaking effects. Al-Anon helped me get through some of the most painful moments of my life, and I am eternally grateful.
There came a point, however, after ten years in the Al-Anon program, when I knew I had to move on, just like I had to stop going to church for awhile in order to search for the place in which God wanted me to be. There are those who get sober in AA but don't maintain sobriety, who relapse and go in and out of the program. There are those who get sober and stay sober in AA and remain in the program for the rest of their lives. Some get sober in AA but leave the program and stay sober. Others get sober without AA and stay sober. The success rate is higher for those who desire to get help and want to go to meetings, whereas it is lower for people whose attendance is court mandated. Overall the success rate of AA is something like 3% to 5%.
Alcoholism is called a "cunning and baffling disease" by people in these 12 Step programs. Complete abstinence is said to be the only way to arrest the disease; there is no cure. Yet there are those who have gotten better and are able to drink with moderation. It is said that these could not therefore be "true" alcoholics. The AMA defines alcoholism as both a physical and mental disease, so insurance can cover both medical and psychiatric treatment, and this is a very good thing. There does remain conflicting medical opinion, however, regarding the designation of alcoholism as a disease and how best to treat it.
I have witnessed firsthand the limitations of these programs. I found an online article that discussed alcoholism as sin, pure and simple, and denied the idea of alcoholism being a disease. The writer did not mention any personal experience in 12 Step programs. She gave many Bible verses warning against the sin of drunkeness, which do not provide any exceptions for those who are compelled to drink due to having a disease. While her point is valid, I have seen alcoholics become very ill, and their thinking distorted, and their personalities negatively and profoundly altered. And they make everyone else around them sick. Their drinking gets progressively worse, and many sins are indeed committed: lying, financial disaster, adultery, child abuse and neglect, spouse abuse, out of control anger, and other addictions that may coincide, such as gambling and sex addiction. The alcoholic is very sick and miserable, and these problems are not the only ones. Insanity and death are the outcomes of alcoholism, and the alcoholic is not drinking for fun.
The issue is more complicated than one of sin, but there is a key in this consideration that, as helpful and filled with spiritual wisdom as the 12 Step program may be, it doesn't work for everyone for a reason. I prayed on my Rosary after I read the harsh article mentioned above to be more compassionate and gentle than this writer, and I asked to be guided by the Holy Spirit. The answer that has come to me so far is to re-evaluate the 12 Steps. Ugh! I feel like Noah being asked to build the ark. Why me?!
I'm going to go through the steps one at a time and use them as a base upon which to build a Catholic application. I'm also going to look at the 12 Traditions of AA and Al-Anon, for it is on these that the group stands or falls. What works in the program? What is missing? What needs to be changed? What are some possible solutions? These are the beginnings of the questions. My hope is to provide the basis for an alternate path for someone looking for a way to get and stay not only sober, but to become whole, and this for his loved ones as well. To find the ultimate salvation.
The 12 Steps of the Al-Anon program are the same as those used by Alcoholics Anonymous, but from the perspective of people affected by the drinking of another. Alcoholism is understood as a family illness; that is, the friends and family of an alcoholic can become seriously unbalanced themselves. Al-Anon is a support group for the loved ones of alcoholics which also follows the same traditions as AA. Both groups are grounded on spiritual principles but have no religious affiliation. Both groups have provided much needed help to countless people. AA gives the alcoholic a way to get sober, and Al-Anon gives his loved ones a way to cope with the disease of alcoholism and its destructive, heartbreaking effects. Al-Anon helped me get through some of the most painful moments of my life, and I am eternally grateful.
There came a point, however, after ten years in the Al-Anon program, when I knew I had to move on, just like I had to stop going to church for awhile in order to search for the place in which God wanted me to be. There are those who get sober in AA but don't maintain sobriety, who relapse and go in and out of the program. There are those who get sober and stay sober in AA and remain in the program for the rest of their lives. Some get sober in AA but leave the program and stay sober. Others get sober without AA and stay sober. The success rate is higher for those who desire to get help and want to go to meetings, whereas it is lower for people whose attendance is court mandated. Overall the success rate of AA is something like 3% to 5%.
Alcoholism is called a "cunning and baffling disease" by people in these 12 Step programs. Complete abstinence is said to be the only way to arrest the disease; there is no cure. Yet there are those who have gotten better and are able to drink with moderation. It is said that these could not therefore be "true" alcoholics. The AMA defines alcoholism as both a physical and mental disease, so insurance can cover both medical and psychiatric treatment, and this is a very good thing. There does remain conflicting medical opinion, however, regarding the designation of alcoholism as a disease and how best to treat it.
I have witnessed firsthand the limitations of these programs. I found an online article that discussed alcoholism as sin, pure and simple, and denied the idea of alcoholism being a disease. The writer did not mention any personal experience in 12 Step programs. She gave many Bible verses warning against the sin of drunkeness, which do not provide any exceptions for those who are compelled to drink due to having a disease. While her point is valid, I have seen alcoholics become very ill, and their thinking distorted, and their personalities negatively and profoundly altered. And they make everyone else around them sick. Their drinking gets progressively worse, and many sins are indeed committed: lying, financial disaster, adultery, child abuse and neglect, spouse abuse, out of control anger, and other addictions that may coincide, such as gambling and sex addiction. The alcoholic is very sick and miserable, and these problems are not the only ones. Insanity and death are the outcomes of alcoholism, and the alcoholic is not drinking for fun.
The issue is more complicated than one of sin, but there is a key in this consideration that, as helpful and filled with spiritual wisdom as the 12 Step program may be, it doesn't work for everyone for a reason. I prayed on my Rosary after I read the harsh article mentioned above to be more compassionate and gentle than this writer, and I asked to be guided by the Holy Spirit. The answer that has come to me so far is to re-evaluate the 12 Steps. Ugh! I feel like Noah being asked to build the ark. Why me?!
I'm going to go through the steps one at a time and use them as a base upon which to build a Catholic application. I'm also going to look at the 12 Traditions of AA and Al-Anon, for it is on these that the group stands or falls. What works in the program? What is missing? What needs to be changed? What are some possible solutions? These are the beginnings of the questions. My hope is to provide the basis for an alternate path for someone looking for a way to get and stay not only sober, but to become whole, and this for his loved ones as well. To find the ultimate salvation.
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