I am finally a member of R.C.I.A., the Catholic Church's Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults! I began my journey to the Church around this time last year, but by the time I inquired into RCIA, it was too late to join the group. Alas I have had to wait a long time to partake of Holy Communion, and I will still be waiting until the Easter Vigil. Happily, Easter comes in March this year, so my wait will be shorter than many have experienced.
I think I will share my RCIA journey on this particular blog, as the group experience is somewhat similar to what one might find in 12 Step groups such as AA and Al-Anon. In fact, I got a ride home on Sunday with one of the staff members after the class, and she mentioned that anything shared in the class is confidential and should not go outside the group. The RCIA leader is a former member of Al-Alon, like myself, so I was not surprised by this at all. Sunday's topic was faith, and one staff member shared her spiritual journey and how she came to be Catholic. This was similar to an AA lead. RCIA emphasizes taking this journey together and how each person is in a unique place, and we must be patient with one another. There is no pressure to join the Church at the end of the process. You can learn about the faith as you go and decide for yourself whether it is for you.
Our group will still take new members into October, so if you are interested in learning more about the Catholic Church and would like a supportive group environment in which to explore this religion, contact your local parish. What do you have to lose?
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The Nature of Guilt
Unhealthy guilt lets
us wallow in our emotions, self-hatred, get depressed. We indulge these feelings
as a substitute for making concrete resolutions and taking steps to change our
behavior. Guilt, then, can be useful, but it should lead to action and then be let
go of.
— from When a Teen Chooses You
As I have mentioned before, it would bother me when I would hear alcoholics talk about avoiding guilt, shame and remorse at all costs, as it would only lead to more drinking. It seems like a qualification is needed between healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt. Like physical pain that tells us that there is something wrong in our bodies, guilt can let us know when we have done something morally wrong or something to hurt ourselves or others. It is a signal to stop, look, and listen. Why do we feel guilty? What actions do we need to take to remedy the situation? Then we can make amends to God, to ourselves, and to others.
Unhealthy guilt includes taking responsibility for a problem you did not cause. We Al-Anons, and some alcoholics as well, can have the tendency to be hyper-vigilant caretakers and end up wallowing in worry and obsession. We may have a generalized sense of guilt just for being, as if we are not worthy of unconditional love just as we are. It may seem that no matter how hard we try, something always goes wrong. In this case, the action we need to take may be detachment from certain people or situations, as well as increased use of the tools of prayer, meditation, contemplation, and scripture reading. We need to attend Mass and partake of the Eucharist. We must take care of ourselves and our own business.
Whatever the cause of guilt, it should be faced honestly and squarely, assessed, and dealt with appropriately. When we have done what we can to make any necessary reparation, then we must let it go. The alcoholic, then, should not avoid the guilt he or she feels, for example, as the result of the behaviors displayed during a relapse. It can't just be swept under the rug. Alcoholic drinking always causes a problem for the alcoholic and those around him, and amends therefore must be made to himself and those he harms. The friend or family member of the alcoholic, likewise, may need to make amends for the reaction he has to the relapse, such as screaming, verbal abuse, or other inappropriate behaviors.
Feeling guilt, shame and remorse may be a healthy reaction, telling us that we have lost our connection with God and need to get our lives back on track. It is the wallowing in guilt that signals narcissistic self-pity. Instead, we must be open to receive God's grace and forgiveness. But to receive, we must first ask. Guilt can humble us back into alignment with the will of God.
— from When a Teen Chooses You
As I have mentioned before, it would bother me when I would hear alcoholics talk about avoiding guilt, shame and remorse at all costs, as it would only lead to more drinking. It seems like a qualification is needed between healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt. Like physical pain that tells us that there is something wrong in our bodies, guilt can let us know when we have done something morally wrong or something to hurt ourselves or others. It is a signal to stop, look, and listen. Why do we feel guilty? What actions do we need to take to remedy the situation? Then we can make amends to God, to ourselves, and to others.
Unhealthy guilt includes taking responsibility for a problem you did not cause. We Al-Anons, and some alcoholics as well, can have the tendency to be hyper-vigilant caretakers and end up wallowing in worry and obsession. We may have a generalized sense of guilt just for being, as if we are not worthy of unconditional love just as we are. It may seem that no matter how hard we try, something always goes wrong. In this case, the action we need to take may be detachment from certain people or situations, as well as increased use of the tools of prayer, meditation, contemplation, and scripture reading. We need to attend Mass and partake of the Eucharist. We must take care of ourselves and our own business.
Whatever the cause of guilt, it should be faced honestly and squarely, assessed, and dealt with appropriately. When we have done what we can to make any necessary reparation, then we must let it go. The alcoholic, then, should not avoid the guilt he or she feels, for example, as the result of the behaviors displayed during a relapse. It can't just be swept under the rug. Alcoholic drinking always causes a problem for the alcoholic and those around him, and amends therefore must be made to himself and those he harms. The friend or family member of the alcoholic, likewise, may need to make amends for the reaction he has to the relapse, such as screaming, verbal abuse, or other inappropriate behaviors.
Feeling guilt, shame and remorse may be a healthy reaction, telling us that we have lost our connection with God and need to get our lives back on track. It is the wallowing in guilt that signals narcissistic self-pity. Instead, we must be open to receive God's grace and forgiveness. But to receive, we must first ask. Guilt can humble us back into alignment with the will of God.
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