Forgiveness and Healing, Continued

Shortly after writing my last post, when I was wondering whether forgiveness or healing comes first, I received an answer. In The Reed of God, Caryll Houselander states that the shortest path to healing is forgiveness. Well, there it is, and it makes sense. As I have written before, when Jesus and the Bible speak of healing, there is usually, if not always, a definite reference to the forgiveness of sins. And how can our own sins be forgiven, and therefore how can we receive healing, if we have not forgiven others? At the same time, I think there is a difference between resentment and grief. There are distinctive stages of grief, and we need to allow ourselves to work through them. Forgiveness may come before the grief subsides completely. We can love someone who has hurt us, and not entirely shut him out, yet give ourselves some time and distance to heal. Forgiveness may not mean an immediate resuming of the previous status of the relationship. Trust may have been broken and needs to be restored.

Recently the husband of someone who hurt me deeply was hospitalized. When I found out, I immediately called her and kept her husband in my prayers. That in itself contributed to my healing. To have ignored her in her time of need would have been truly unloving and unforgiving. I also meditated while praying the Rosary on the unfathomable depth of Jesus' forgiveness, and what horrors Mary also suffered and forgave. In comparison, I have very little to forgive.

So now I am praying for both the grace to forgive as well as my own spiritual healing. I cannot know God's will for all of my relationships, so I have to just turn it over. I have to let go and let God. I have to offer it up, in that classic Catholic way. I still have not put my problem in a "God box", so perhaps I am not ready yet to let it go. But I can pray for the willingness to write it down and tuck it safely away in God's keeping.