Another Look at Detachment

de·tach·ment  (d-tchmnt)n.

1. The act or process of disconnecting or detaching; separation.

2. The state of being separate or detached.

3. Indifference to or remoteness from the concerns of others; aloofness: preserved a chilly detachment in his relations with the family.

4. Absence of prejudice or bias; disinterest: strove to maintain her professional detachment in the case.

These are the definitions of detachment given by an online dictionary. I have always had mixed feelings about the concept and practice of detachment, and I am beginning to understand why. My first sponsor in Al-Anon, who was also a member of AA, instructed me to read all the pages on detachment in the program literature as my first assignment. Detachment was regularly a topic brought up at meetings. I think this was because it was such a difficult idea to understand and just as hard to practice. When emotions run high, when the walls are crumbling all around you, such emotional distancing and separation from others can seem impossible. In a way, it is. A qualification was then given to this task; that is, to detach with love. But being both loving and aloof seems counterintuitive. However, by detached the program does not mean to suggest that one be unfeeling as the above definitions might suggest. 

We must find a way not to be so involved in the alcoholism and problems of others, to take care of ourselves and not lose our serenity when dealing with overwhelming difficulties and toxic, volatile relationships. My conclusion? One cannot detach on one's own, and detachment is not even a worthy goal if it is focusing on a negative. Rather than willing oneself to achieve complete emotional separation, my belief is that there is only one way out of our problems. We must become attached to God alone. In this way only will we be able to set our boundaries, mind our own business, and remain spiritually healthy. Our only hope is to rest in God. I have revised my previous post, Suffering and Detachment, to better clarify these ideas.

So this is the new slogan I suggest: Attachment to God alone. If we are attached to God, we abide in Love. There is no separation; we are all one in the Lord. Perhaps this was the goal when detachment became the prescription of the day, but it ultimately left me adrift, a ship with no anchor. And eventually I get fed up, frustrated, overcome with grief or anger, and/or physically ill as a result of toxic circumstances and relationships. Only a saint can practice detachment in any situation, and most of us won't reach the level of sainthood in this lifetime. But we can take a contemplative approach to recovery and begin to learn detachment in a particularly Christian way and apply it with Divine Love to our troubling situations. Our anchor is the Lord. This is the basis for Paths to Grace. And in this blog I hope to channel the will of God, that He might provide the tools to carry this out, that our paths will be made straight and clear, with no confusion or ambiguity left to impede complete healing.