Contemplative Practice--Obsessive Drinking, Obsessive Thinking

I am currently reading two books on the subject of contemplation from a Christian perspective:  New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton, and Into the Silent Land by Martin Laird.  I have no doubt at this point that the practice of contemplation is key to recovery.

I was thinking back today to a woman in the Al-Anon meeting that I once ran who often compared addiction to alcohol to addiction to sugar. She believed that all addictions were rooted in the same thing. The only difference was the particular substance to which one was addicted. I did not entirely agree with her. After all, I reasoned, sugar does not wreck lives and kill people. It does not take away one's ability to reason. But is that true? Scientific studies have shown that certain food products can be addictive, and sugar is the leader of this gang. If we look at rates of obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and other illnesses, food addiction surely plays a major part, and the death toll rises.

In the rooms of Al-Anon, the distinction was made that the disease of the alcoholic is obsessive drinking, and the problem of the Al-Anon person is obsessive thinking. So what is the common denominator here? Obsession. Furthermore, I am aware from speaking with the alcoholic that in cases of relapse, before he begins drinking, he first begins to think about drinking. Not being able to turn off the obsessive thought patterns, he succumbs to the temptation and begins his cycle of alcoholic drinking all over again. So we can conclude that in all cases of addiction there is at the root the problem of obsession.

Interestingly, obsession is not the sole domain of the alcoholic, other addict, or Al-Anon person. It seems rather to be the plight of human nature since the beginning of time. Look at Adam and Eve in the garden and we find obsession for the forbidden fruit and the yielding to overwhelming temptation. And who was to blame? Partially, it was the evil one disguised as a serpent. Granted, he was no common garden snake. We know from the Book of Revelation that he was actually a dragon, so surely intimidation played a part. We will be looking at the role that Satan plays in taking our thoughts for a ride on a runaway train as we progress in our contemplation of, um, contemplation...

Temptation and Fall, Michaelangelo

Luckily for us, contemplative souls have provided a path out of the loop of obsession. For example, in a sermon on the Third Commandment, keeping holy the Sabbath, we have the words of St. Augustine:

"The third commandment enjoins quietness of heart, tranquility of mind. This is holiness. Because here is the Spirit of God...Unquiet people recoil from the Holy Spirit...In their restlessness they do not allow the silence of the Lord's Sabbath to enter their lives. Against such restlessness we are offered a kind of Sabbath in the heart. As if God were saying, 'Stop being so restless, quieten the uproar in your minds. Let go of the idle fantasies that fly around in your head.' God is saying, 'Be still and see that I am God' (Ps 46). But you refuse to be still. You are like the Egyptians tormented by gnats. These tiniest of flies, always restless, flying about aimlessly, swarm at your eyes, giving no rest. They are back as soon as you drive them off. Just like the futile fantasies that swarm in your minds. Keep the commandment. Beware of this plague."

The seeds of contemplation can be found in the 12 Step Program, but they are not well enough defined. Step 11 says, "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out." But how is this accomplished? Tellingly, while prayer was frequently an Al-Anon topic, meditation was rarely discussed. When I once brought it up at a meeting, people offered various ways that they meditate, and certainly many practices can be helpful. Yet I think it true that most people know neither how to pray nor how to meditate effectively. And the topic of contemplation was never explored at all.

So what I want to do here is to follow this path of contemplation in the books I am reading and share what insights I gain in a series that will begin with the first part of the title of this post, Contemplative Practice. And while I acknowledge that there are varying degrees of obsession, and that alcoholism is a particularly potent form, I want to emphasize that this problem of the obsession of the mind is basically human, common to all people, rather than a special disease shared only by the unfortunate. Let's focus on our common ground and the hope of universal solutions.

 

Dealing with the Peanut Gallery (a Depression Issue Update)

The most viewed post of this blog, by far, is titled "Depression in a Loved One."  This tells me that in the land of recovery, depression is a hot button topic. Yet when I wrote it, I had no idea how extremely hot. It all began when I did an internet search for advice on how to help loved ones suffering from grief and depression. A number of people I am close to have experienced loss, grief, and heartbreak in relatively recent times, as well as serious health problems and mental/emotional issues. The link between alcoholism/addiction and depression and mental illness is strong. In fact, a friend of mine who works at a rehabilitation facility told me that there is only one addict patient there who is not also mentally ill (keep in mind, however, that this is only the case in one treatment center; I do not know the statistics across the board). In my reading I came across research establishing the contagious nature of depression (like a psychological sneeze), and I noted the similarity between those cases and the conventional wisdom that alcoholism becomes a "family disease."

Problems with friends and family members in the areas of addiction, depression, and mental illness were not only recent. I reflected on instances going more than 20 years back, and suddenly so many things began to make sense. I realized I had been affected not only by the alcoholism of people close to me, but by their issues with depression and mental illness as well. Having put such a significant piece into the puzzle, naturally I wanted to share it. I use no real names in this blog, nor do I use my own, not even in my profile. I did, however, share the link for "Depression in a Loved One" on my Facebook wall. I share links to other websites, blogs, etc. regularly, so there was no reason to necessarily assume I wrote the post, and I did not invite anyone personally to read it. Nevertheless, and despite the fact that one can send a personal message to Facebook or post comments right here at the blog, instead I received negative responses, some attacking my character quite zealously, directly on my wall. I will call this group the Peanut Gallery, and name them Lucy, Schroeder, and Peppermint Patty (all are related by blood or marriage).

 Peanuts cartoon by Charles Schultz

Call me Marcie. Marcie wrote her book report in her typical, literary nerd type way, completely unaware that she had hidden, evil intentions. But Lucy was deeply offended, Schroeder started banging hard on his keyboard with steam coming out of his ears, and worst of all, Peppermint Patty loudly accused Marcie of writing mean things about Sally. Now, this a report about recovery, and Marcie obviously was striving for some semblance of anonymity, but Peppermint Patty blew the chances of that all to hell right on Facebook.

Now, the fact of the matter is that the report was not specifically about Sally or anyone else. Marcie used a composite character name to describe her experiences with many people over the course of decades. Most specifically the composite character reflected the case of a large percentage of people Marcie had heard speak at Al-Anon meetings, people depressed and disturbed by the drinking/addiction of their children, who were in their teens and twenties. It additionally reflected various family members and friends of Marcie, including her own husband, who did not assume it had anything to do with him at all and was in no way offended by it. It included Marcie herself, who was also not offended by this report apparently written by her sinister doppelganger while she was sleeping (or at least she began to grow paranoid and wonder...)

Linus also read the report and became so vicious as a result that Marcie feared for the safety of herself and her family, and now Marcie's husband will not allow Linus to visit their home. Peppermint Patty told Marcie that someone else told her she just had to read Marcie's report. I can't help but think of rich women with servants in the 1960s who had nothing better to do than play bridge all afternoon and gossip (see the movie, The Help). I have no idea who passed the report on to Sally, who is very sensitive and who the family knew was in an intense state of grief, or to Linus, who though usually a sweet, loving person, is easily set off (both are also family members). How can the Peanut Gallery claim to care for these people yet intentionally point their attention to something they thought would be very hurtful? But Marcie, says the Peanut Gallery, if you wouldn't have written your book report and tried to be "helpful" in the first place... Yes, just call me Charlie Brown. What a stupid Christmas tree I chose, indeed!

But wait, the merry-go-round is still spinning! Because of the damage done by all the large nuts thrown at my head, I have no desire to host the family Christmas party or other gatherings of the whole clan. This would be no big deal except that the main reason I started doing this was to take the burden off my grandmother. She is worn out by health issues and her age and does not need to be frantically cleaning her home and preparing a bunch of food. She is happy to do it, of course, but it is better if she doesn't have to. Only one other family member ever hosts for the holidays, and that is not often, so since I have the large home to accomodate a lot of people and I enjoy having parties, I do it.  Now that I feel so alienated, I do not wish to do it this year, so who will take the burden from Grandma? Well, Christmas is still far away, and we should not worry about tomorrow.  The pertinent point is to expose just how far the effects of those flying nuts can reach, and what terrible bruises they leave.

Whoever read Marcie's report first might have called Marcie on the phone to talk over his or her concerns. To get some more information. To discover Marcie's real intentions. The bottom line of the report, after all, was about becoming more aware of the source of relationship difficulties and therefore to respond with deeper understanding and compassion, both for oneself and for others. And to avoid being hurt by the effects of the depression (some of which can be irrational thoughts, unhealthy behaviors, and disproportionate anger) of a loved one and its contagious nature. The tendency, unfortunately, among those affected by alcoholism/depression/mental illness is to be reactionary. They (myself included) feel compelled to respond immediately, without taking a deep breath, without waiting for the initial heat of emotion to disperse and then to attempt to objectively evaluate the situation. Technology makes this bad habit of reaction too easy, and you can't burn the letter after you write it. In the case of Marcie's report, she was not feeling angry or resentful and so felt safe in sharing her experiences. That was evidently a foul ball regardless. Caryll Houselander's spiritual classic, The Reed of God, has shed some new light on these things for me. She writes:

"People who will not compromise with Christ's values are uncomfortable neighbors for mediocrity; they are likely to be misunderstood; they are often hated...In the world in which we live today, the great understanding given by the Spirit of Wisdom must involve us in a lot of suffering. We shall be obliged to see the wound that sin has inflicted on the people of the world...And in proportion to our understanding we are likely to be misunderstood...But if the misunderstanding of the world outside our homes can afflict us, it is nothing compared with the misunderstanding of those who are very dear to us (and this is so frequent that it is almost inevitable)...Even the presence of Christ in us does not do away with our own clumsiness, blindness, stupidity; indeed, sometimes because of our limitations, His light is a blinding light to us and we become, for a time, more dense than before. We shall still be irritable, still make mistakes, and still very likely be unaware of how exasperating we are."

Marcie, for her part, went back to edit her report for greater clarity, to hopefully affect the tone and intention that she was seeking, and removed the composite character's name entirely. She informed the Peanut Gallery of her honest efforts to alleviate their misunderstanding and concern. The damage done to Sally and Linus is done. They fed off the Gallery's peanuts and thought the worst of Marcie too. I think that it would behoove all of the characters in this story to extend a heaping spoon of Grace to one another and each to drink deeply from the cup of humility. Otherwise the devil wins.

Types of Depression

Depression will often accompany addiction, or occur in the family and friends of alcoholics. The onset of depression may follow a traumatic experience or serious health condition, and sometimes various factors will occur in succession, leading from a temporary episode of grief or a case of "the blues" to a serious illness. It can be difficult to recognize in yourself or someone else, as many symptoms may also occur for different reasons, such as a medical condition or hormonal imbalance, or changes due to age. There is a wide range of degrees and types of depression, as follows. I hope this helps in pinpointing the contribution depression may be making to problems within families and friendships and lead to increased support and compassion. Often simply putting a name to a problem brings immense relief, because then one has the necessary information to know how to proceed, or at least where to begin to seek help.  

Here is an overview of types of depression from NIMH:

What are the different forms of depression?

There are several forms of depressive disorders.

Major depressive disorder, or major depression, is characterized by a combination of symptoms that interfere with a person's ability to work, sleep, study, eat, and enjoy once-pleasurable activities. Major depression is disabling and prevents a person from functioning normally. Some people may experience only a single episode within their lifetime, but more often a person may have multiple episodes.

Depression is a common but serious illness. Most who experience depression need treatment to get better.

Dysthymic disorder, or dysthymia, is characterized by long-term (2 years or longer) symptoms that may not be severe enough to disable a person but can prevent normal functioning or feeling well. People with dysthymia may also experience one or more episodes of major depression during their lifetimes.

Minor depression is characterized by having symptoms for 2 weeks or longer that do not meet full criteria for major depression. Without treatment, people with minor depression are at high risk for developing major depressive disorder.

Some forms of depression are slightly different, or they may develop under unique circumstances. However, not everyone agrees on how to characterize and define these forms of depression. They include:

• Psychotic depression, which occurs when a person has severe depression plus some form of psychosis, such as having disturbing false beliefs or a break with reality (delusions), or hearing or seeing upsetting things that others cannot hear or see (hallucinations).
• Postpartum depression, which is much more serious than the "baby blues" that many women experience after giving birth, when hormonal and physical changes and the new responsibility of caring for a newborn can be overwhelming. It is estimated that 10 to 15 percent of women experience postpartum depression after giving birth.¹
• Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is characterized by the onset of depression during the winter months, when there is less natural sunlight. The depression generally lifts during spring and summer. SAD may be effectively treated with light therapy, but nearly half of those with SAD do not get better with light therapy alone. Antidepressant medication and psychotherapy can reduce SAD symptoms, either alone or in combination with light therapy.²

Bipolar disorder, also called manic-depressive illness, is not as common as major depression or dysthymia. Bipolar disorder is characterized by cycling mood changes—from extreme highs (e.g., mania) to extreme lows (e.g., depression). More information about bipolar disorder is available.

And from the Mayo Clinic:

Depression symptoms include:

• Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
• Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
• Reduced sex drive
• Insomnia or excessive sleeping
• Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
• Irritability or angry outbursts
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration
• Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren't going right
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
• Crying spells for no apparent reason
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

For some people, depression symptoms are so severe that it's obvious something isn't right. Other people feel generally miserable or unhappy without really knowing why.
Depression affects each person in different ways, so symptoms caused by depression vary from person to person. Inherited traits, age, gender and cultural background all play a role in how depression may affect you.

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On Worry and Obsession

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" (Psalm 55:22).

"Jesus Stills the Tempest" by William Hole, 1908

When I was a kid I heard a fascinating sermon on the phrase, take care.  The minister preached that telling a person to "take care" is the same as advising him to worry.  I think when most people say, "Take care," it is usually when they are parting from a friend or loved one, and what they mean is more like, "Take care of yourself" or "Be well."  They are not suggesting that the other person fret or be filled with anxiety. Still, the admonition to avoid worry is apt. 

Certainly we need to be concerned for the people we care about and the things for which we are responsible.  A too casual, lazze faire attitude toward life may result in harm or neglect of ourselves, others, and the environment. We should take care of the gifts God bestows upon us as stewards, with reverence. This includes your spouse, children, home, friends, possessions, job, etc... Yet excessive worry is a sin.

In Matthew chapter 6, verses 25, 27, 28, 31 and 34, Jesus commands us not to worry.  Why? Because worry is a form of fear, the opposite of faith. 

In the rooms of Al-Anon, I often heard someone suggest that FEAR is an anagram for False Evidence Appearing Real.  Well, sometimes the evidence is real, and the problem you perceive is as big as you think it is. Beware of being in denial. But more often than not, the sky is not falling, Henny Penny. It was just a nut that dropped on your head. As Pat Benatar sang, "Anxiety, can't get nothin' done, anxiety spoils all the fun."  On the album cover she is wearing a straight jacket. Anyone dealing with active alcoholism and other such disorders feels this way sometimes, and so does the addict himself!

Truly, worry can become a very bad habit and obsessive mental disorder. There are so many things we can't control, and perhaps worrying makes us feel like we are doing something about the issue. The wool hasn't been pulled over our eyes! We see what is going on...

But is the thing tugging at our minds and causing our hearts to race and faces to break out even any of our business?  If it is, we need to have the courage to change the situation. If it isn't, we need to accept those things we cannot change and let go and let God. This is a slogan I learned in Al-Anon. But honestly, when I am dealing with crazy makers today, my best remedy is the Rosary. This form of prayer and meditation orders the mind, soothes the soul, and keeps my eyes on God's will for my life. It comforts me and relieves insomnia. Sometimes insight to a problem happens as I travel around the beads. I am reminded of who I am--a daughter of the King--and what I believe. I grow in faith, hope, love and wisdom. And I am held in the arms of the Blessed Mother...

Working through Suffering

It is important to accept suffering as a part of life. It is also necessary to work through suffering so you don't become immobilized and stay in a place of intense pain to the point of crushing your spirit. Jesus does not create suffering; He does not intentionally put obstacles in our path to trip us up. I have read Christian authors who claim that He does, but that is not the teaching of the Catholic Church. God does, however, use suffering for our spiritual growth in wisdom. Recovery depends upon openly receiving God's grace and healing, and you may need to get yourself some outside help as well. Though I have warned of some of the pitfalls of 12 Step groups, one thing you will at the very least find in Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, for example, are other people going through similar problems. It is a great relief to discover that you really aren't the only one living with or affected by alcoholism.

Our Lady of Sorrows

It should be noted that alcoholism does not exist on its own in many cases. You may additionally be dealing with sinful behaviors and other disorders, such as pornography or sex addiction, obsessive-compulsive disorder, ADHD, bipolar disorder (manic-depressive), schizophrenia, clinical depression, compulsive gambling, or any number of other issues. Alcoholism is challenging enough by itself, but add any of these other afflictions, and you are living in nothing less than a tornado. Even from a long distance, such disturbances in a family member can be overwhelming.

It is also easy to become isolated. Rachel (not her real name) was afraid to tell her friends about her husband's drinking problem because they couldn't relate, and she was worried they wouldn't want to bring their children over to her house to play. To avoid such isolation, finding a therapist who has training in addiction (and preferably has a Catholic perspective), or a clergyman, spiritual director, or spiritual community (even a yoga class!) of some sort is imperative to working through one's suffering. Even just talking to a trusted friend who has a normal life and is nonjudgmental and supportive of you will bring relief. In the rooms of Al-Anon you can hear so many stories of unhealthy situations and ways of life that they may eventually seem normal, or not so bad, when in reality the circumstances are very sick and unacceptable. Do not rely exclusively on 12 Step groups. Spending time with healthy people and seeing examples of families that function well will help you realize that it isn't you who is crazy, but that your circumstances really do need to change.

Rachel was a Christian but did not attend church regularly and had never been Catholic, so she did not have the support of simply belonging to a religious community and the benefit of receiving the sacraments and consistent spiritual teaching. Living with alcoholism or similar disorders can make a person feel as if there is something wrong with him and that other people won't like him. It is no less than a daily, ongoing crisis. Whatever you choose to do, you must somehow break your isolation.

 Ecclesia, Holy Mother Church

A coworker I once had was married to an alcoholic, and she confided to me one day that her husband was so drunk he had peed the bed! An alcoholic in denial will tell you that his behavior isn't that bad. In one case a man went to jail for drinking related offenses and shared a cell with the mayor who was incarcerated on similar charges! Since these things even happen to the mayor, the man reasoned, they must be normal.

You need to have a daily practice of prayer and meditation, attend Mass regularly (even daily when possible), find friends who give you a good example of a holy life, and get professional help if necessary. Fill your life with meaningful activities that bring you joy. And yes, you may sometimes have to separate yourself from situations and people whose treatment of you puts you in serious spiritual and emotional jeopardy. If physical abuse is part of your situation, you must seek resources to get you safely out of harm's way, most especially if children are involved.

The Risen Jesus & Mary Magdalene at the Tomb

You must be willing to work through your suffering so you can come into the light of God's love. Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days, but he did not stop praying, and he faced his trials and tribulations with the help of the Father. He also did not stay there forever. He died so that we might live, so that we too can be resurrected and have life abundantly. Jesus ultimately overcame suffering, and you need to as well. It is imperative to take good care of yourself, eat well and exercise, and pursue an interest that will fill your well with living water. Next I will cover the necessary step of lamentation. Cry out to God, and He will hear you. Cry to the Blessed Mother, and she will always comfort you and pray for you.

Suffering and Detachment

I often heard someone say in the rooms of Al-Anon, "Pain is inevitable, but I don't have to suffer."  Many such sayings are declared with authority, and they sound true and so are heartily adopted as fact. Since becoming Catholic, especially in this season of Lent, I have been reading a lot about suffering and its place in Christian life. The definition of suffering is "the bearing of pain or distress."  Suffering perhaps sounds more dramatic than pain, and so what the Al-Anon person means is that intense pain can be avoided, and suffering is not at all necessary. Yet the Church teaches that Jesus suffered, and we are to imitate Jesus. Not that we cause ourselves to suffer on purpose, but that the events in Jesus' life are meant to be connected to the events in our lives. "So I am to forgive as Jesus forgave, heal as Jesus healed, love as Jesus loved, pray as Jesus prayed, deal with suffering as Jesus dealt with suffering, accept the Father's will as Jesus accepted the Father's will, rise from the dead as Jesus rose from the dead" (The Little Black Book 2012, emphasis mine). Suffering is a part of the journey.

Just where did this idea come from that those recovering from the effects of another person's addiction have no need of suffering? This idea is expressed in Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL). I believe it relates to another Al-Anon concept, detachment, and in particular a misunderstanding of this difficult practice. Detachment might more accurately be described as non-attachment, a tenet of the Buddhist tradition. Al-Anon literature does teach that one needs to feel one's feelings, as a person suffering the effects of another's addiction may have lost touch with his emotions and become numb. But detachment is often touted as the most effective way to cope, while leaving an ambiguous notion as to what this means. I do not claim to thoroughly grasp it myself.

New members are often encouraged to read all the pages on detachment in the literature first. The problem is that non-attachment is a spiritual state not easily or automatically achieved, and in my opinion, the literature does not adequately relate the complexity of such an endeavor and the high level of spiritual maturity that is required. Perhaps the ideal combination is to feel one's feelings, and then become aware of them enough to identify what they are and where they are coming from; from that point one might achieve a certain level of distancing oneself from the problem of another's addiction.

Detachment is described as separating oneself emotionally from the distressing behaviors of the alcoholic and keeping the focus on oneself. I would suggest something a bit different. While it is advantageous to step away from the alcoholism of another, both physically and emotionally, as well as one can, our focus should instead be on Jesus first rather than on ourselves. Only then can we discern what is and is not our own business.

One works through suffering as part of working out one's salvation. Yes, we do work out our salvation, as the New Testament teaches. Prayer, meditation on the life and words of Jesus, Bible study, church attendance, practice of the sacraments, faith, hope, good works, humility, forgiveness, compassion, and the Christian love called charity are all steps on the Paths to Grace. You also have the opportunity to offer your suffering up for the blessing of another.

Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by attachment, which is the result of a feeling of separation that makes one grasp for things and other people, as opposed to awareness of the unity of existence. Happiness, therefore, is the elimination of suffering. Detachment (or nonattachment) can be a useful tool as relates to coping with a distressing situation in the moment but should not be used to deny the truth of one's suffering. Rather, we can detach by way of letting go and letting God, and by understanding that we are not the sum total of our momentary thoughts and feelings.

I believe that joy in the Lord is our goal rather than constant happiness, which is not attainable, as suffering is not likely to be eliminated; but the awareness that we are all connected to God and to one another is a great spiritual truth. I am not Buddhist nor do I know a great deal about this religion. While I may not agree with some of the teachings, there can still be something learned from the light at work in other traditions.

Christianity also teaches unity; that is, unity through membership in the mystical Body of Christ, the Church. Unity is in Christ's blood, the gift of the Holy Spirit, and adoption into the family of God the Father Almighty. Suffering is sometimes part of that path to unity. Running away from suffering, which could result from detachment (though it is not supposed to), is not part of the Christian path. But surely we do not want to go down the drain with the alcoholic? No, we don't, but we are not powerless to align our will with God's and therefore to be lifted up with Jesus in the Ascension. Detachment in its purest sense is part of the Christian contemplative practice. It is replacing our obsessive attachments to other people and things with attachment to God alone and adherence to His will. We will still have human attachments, and many are healthy, such as the bond between a mother and her infant. But these are governed by the law of Divine Love.

So where does this leave us in regard to suffering? If you are married to an alcoholic, you are joined in a sacramental bond of unity. You are, in a certain way, one person. It is foolish to imagine that you will not experience suffering. Likewise, if one of your children is an addict, you will surely undergo tremendous pain. But joy is possible even in the midst of suffering. Suffering can be a purifying, spiritual experience that brings one closer to a life of holiness. Your joy is in the Lord, and suffering does not diminish that. Suffering gets you on your knees, saying, "Behold, the handmaid of the Lord." And then the Lord will walk us through it, and we will emerge into the Light.

The Annunciation of the Angel Gabriel to Mary

Recovery through Grace

I am doubting today whether the world needs yet another 12 Step program. The initial name for this blog was "Catholic Twelve Step Program," but I have changed it to "Paths of Grace". Yesterday I wrote that a restoration of sanctifying grace is what would most help both those seeking recovery from addiction and their loved ones. I don't know exactly what kind of "program" might come out of following such a path. A Catholic could certainly apply his faith to the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and its affiliated groups, being aware that the program is one of spiritual indifferentism. But there are issues with the content of the steps themselves, and that's what I want to begin to explore.

God is certainly integral to the 12 Steps, albeit in no particular form. But the worship of God is absent. Now, the AA or Al-Anon 12 Step program should not be a worship service. The doors are open to people of any religion or none, and the groups follow no religious creed. A Catholic would need to incorporate worship into his program privately and by attending Mass. "Paths to Grace," the name by which I will refer to my program for now, would of course incorporate worship.

To my way of thinking, the release of a person from the bondage of addiction (or obsessive thinking and emotional disturbance, in the case of the loved ones) must be perceived as a sort of salvation. This is achieved through God's grace by a living faith working in love. One actively participates in an ongoing renewal of faith, guided in his thoughts and behaviors by the indwelling Holy Spirit. He or she is, in short, made holy. It is sanctifying grace that one needs to achieve permanent sobriety and emotional, psychological, and spiritual wholeness. Worship of God is integral to this salvation. This goes way beyond Step 11, which is seeking conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation, "praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out." Is that all we should be praying for? What about other people, the sick and poor, our leaders, our children, widows? What about our threatened environment and God's other creatures? What about praying for peace and morality and the value of all life? It's not all about you or me. We need to get outside ourselves.

The 12 Steps culminate in experiencing a "spiritual awakening" as the result of these steps. So the 12th step is not really a step at all, but the hoped for culmination of the first eleven. A spiritual awakening is not something a person can do. Rather, it is a mystical experience resulting from a transcendent unity with God that is sometimes ecstatic. Not everyone has such experiences. Smaller "ah" moments, where something clicks, a light bulb goes on, so to speak, are more common for most people. Something is illuminated; a moment of clarity is achieved. Then what? Typically you do the steps over and over, going deeper as you come back to them. Then what? The common wisdom is that you practice them, and regularly attend meetings, forever.  Some members' whole lives are centered around the program. It takes up an inordinate amount of time, and the fear of relapse (even for the nonalcoholic loved one, in his own way) and subsequent threat of insanity and/or death, is always hanging over one's head. The idea of powerlessness prevails, and the addict can never live a normal life without the program. But I will expand upon all that at another time.

A possible, alternative support group model might be built on something like the breastfeeding circle I attended when I lived in Columbus. A lactation consultant presided over the meeting, but mostly she was just available to answer questions and offer her expertise on whatever topics came up. Mostly the mothers shared their knowledge, advice, wisdom, experience, and support with each other in an informal way. You could go to meetings whenever you wanted. When you were done breastfeeding, you stopped going. Perhaps a Catholic spiritual director could preside over Paths of Grace meetings in a similar way.

There could also be literature available for other relevant resources, such as treatment centers, doctors, psychiatrists and therapists who would work cooperatively with the group. The approach would be more holistic, preparing a person to live a life of wholeness and permanent sobriety (and permanent abstinence may not be necessary in every case). Basic concepts could be written to guide people to recovery from a Catholic perspective, incorporating the sacraments of the Church. A daily reader, or meditation book, on how to cope with particular emotions and situations could be available. The group would not be alone. Another thing missing from AA and similar groups is the equivalent of a magisterium, or teaching office, to interpret the program, with authority regarding how it is practiced. This results in all sorts of problems, some of which I have previously covered and will continue to explore. (It has been suggested that such an authoritative office would destroy AA, so we will leave it alone and seek another path.)

My sincere hope is that in my re-evaluation of the 12 Steps, together with my continued exploration of Catholicism, the teachings of the Church may provide what is missing for those living in the hell of active addiction, as well as for those families and friends affected by such disorders.