New Beginnings

 The Ascension

Happy New Year! I realize I have not been posting here often, and I suppose that is a good sign in regard to my recovery. It is a testimony to how much the Church has helped me to heal from the effects of alcoholism, depression, and mental illness in family members and friends. Interestingly, I find myself strangely not being the object of toxic attacks. Perhaps this is because my aura has changed. I have ceased putting out the signal that I need someone else's approval. I think that if you project the need to be rid of something, and especially if you pray often for it, God gives you more opportunities to fortify your will in accordance with His, to strengthen your faith by allowing adversity to be an answer to prayer. Yes, God does indeed work in mysterious ways! The other side of the coin is that I may be easier to be around, as I become more relaxed in the intense changes that my conversion has brought about. Hopefully I radiate peace, so peace is what I attract.

For example, I was in the presence last night of a person I try not to be around because of his surly disposition. I have in the past been emotionally harmed by him and left feeling very unbalanced. But he talked about the physical pain that he is never free from. Not by virtue of trying to complain about it, but simply that it is a cross he has born for so long that he seems to have come to a state of acceptance about it. Most days it isn't too bad, but sometimes it is terrible, and he lives with it. Who wouldn't be often grouchy in such a situation? He had a softness about him that showed me who he really is under the pain and suffering--a wounded child of God. He is a man of faith, but I couldn't help wishing that he had the Catholic Church to help him on his path to healing. What comfort the Eucharist might bring him, what help might be had by the intercession of the saints. A simple Catholic phrase like, "Offer it up" contains deep, spiritual wisdom. But the most appropriate thing to do in this situation was simply to provide a listening ear and a compassionate heart. It takes courage to share one's suffering. And naturally I will be praying a Rosary for the intention of his healing!

This is a good point of departure for contemplating new beginnings for the New Year. How can we be more understanding and compassionate? How can we let go of the tendency toward judgment and criticism? Most importantly, in what ways can we draw closer to our Lord? Once I have entered into full communion with the Church at the Easter Vigil, I plan to make an act of consecration to Jesus through Mary. Happily, I feel that I have forgiven the trespasses of others, but the sacrament of Confession will keep me taking honest inventory of myself, being sure to forgive myself and others before partaking of Holy Communion. It has been very difficult for me to experience the delay of receiving these sacraments, but I will have my first penance tomorrow! The new year is an opportunity for a clean slate, so make a plan, but realize that you can't go it alone; you need divine assistance. And the plan needs to be flexible, so that you can re-evaluate where you are on the path of your spiritual journey and make adjustments as need be. This is not the time for white-knuckle resolutions, but for contemplation followed by works inspired by the Holy Spirit. Let your motto be "One Day at a Time in 2013".

Suffering and Detachment

I often heard someone say in the rooms of Al-Anon, "Pain is inevitable, but I don't have to suffer."  Many such sayings are declared with authority, and they sound true and so are heartily adopted as fact. Since becoming Catholic, especially in this season of Lent, I have been reading a lot about suffering and its place in Christian life. The definition of suffering is "the bearing of pain or distress."  Suffering perhaps sounds more dramatic than pain, and so what the Al-Anon person means is that intense pain can be avoided, and suffering is not at all necessary. Yet the Church teaches that Jesus suffered, and we are to imitate Jesus. Not that we cause ourselves to suffer on purpose, but that the events in Jesus' life are meant to be connected to the events in our lives. "So I am to forgive as Jesus forgave, heal as Jesus healed, love as Jesus loved, pray as Jesus prayed, deal with suffering as Jesus dealt with suffering, accept the Father's will as Jesus accepted the Father's will, rise from the dead as Jesus rose from the dead" (The Little Black Book 2012, emphasis mine). Suffering is a part of the journey.

Just where did this idea come from that those recovering from the effects of another person's addiction have no need of suffering? This idea is expressed in Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL). I believe it relates to another Al-Anon concept, detachment, and in particular a misunderstanding of this difficult practice. Detachment might more accurately be described as non-attachment, a tenet of the Buddhist tradition. Al-Anon literature does teach that one needs to feel one's feelings, as a person suffering the effects of another's addiction may have lost touch with his emotions and become numb. But detachment is often touted as the most effective way to cope, while leaving an ambiguous notion as to what this means. I do not claim to thoroughly grasp it myself.

New members are often encouraged to read all the pages on detachment in the literature first. The problem is that non-attachment is a spiritual state not easily or automatically achieved, and in my opinion, the literature does not adequately relate the complexity of such an endeavor and the high level of spiritual maturity that is required. Perhaps the ideal combination is to feel one's feelings, and then become aware of them enough to identify what they are and where they are coming from; from that point one might achieve a certain level of distancing oneself from the problem of another's addiction.

Detachment is described as separating oneself emotionally from the distressing behaviors of the alcoholic and keeping the focus on oneself. I would suggest something a bit different. While it is advantageous to step away from the alcoholism of another, both physically and emotionally, as well as one can, our focus should instead be on Jesus first rather than on ourselves. Only then can we discern what is and is not our own business.

One works through suffering as part of working out one's salvation. Yes, we do work out our salvation, as the New Testament teaches. Prayer, meditation on the life and words of Jesus, Bible study, church attendance, practice of the sacraments, faith, hope, good works, humility, forgiveness, compassion, and the Christian love called charity are all steps on the Paths to Grace. You also have the opportunity to offer your suffering up for the blessing of another.

Buddhism teaches that suffering is caused by attachment, which is the result of a feeling of separation that makes one grasp for things and other people, as opposed to awareness of the unity of existence. Happiness, therefore, is the elimination of suffering. Detachment (or nonattachment) can be a useful tool as relates to coping with a distressing situation in the moment but should not be used to deny the truth of one's suffering. Rather, we can detach by way of letting go and letting God, and by understanding that we are not the sum total of our momentary thoughts and feelings.

I believe that joy in the Lord is our goal rather than constant happiness, which is not attainable, as suffering is not likely to be eliminated; but the awareness that we are all connected to God and to one another is a great spiritual truth. I am not Buddhist nor do I know a great deal about this religion. While I may not agree with some of the teachings, there can still be something learned from the light at work in other traditions.

Christianity also teaches unity; that is, unity through membership in the mystical Body of Christ, the Church. Unity is in Christ's blood, the gift of the Holy Spirit, and adoption into the family of God the Father Almighty. Suffering is sometimes part of that path to unity. Running away from suffering, which could result from detachment (though it is not supposed to), is not part of the Christian path. But surely we do not want to go down the drain with the alcoholic? No, we don't, but we are not powerless to align our will with God's and therefore to be lifted up with Jesus in the Ascension. Detachment in its purest sense is part of the Christian contemplative practice. It is replacing our obsessive attachments to other people and things with attachment to God alone and adherence to His will. We will still have human attachments, and many are healthy, such as the bond between a mother and her infant. But these are governed by the law of Divine Love.

So where does this leave us in regard to suffering? If you are married to an alcoholic, you are joined in a sacramental bond of unity. You are, in a certain way, one person. It is foolish to imagine that you will not experience suffering. Likewise, if one of your children is an addict, you will surely undergo tremendous pain. But joy is possible even in the midst of suffering. Suffering can be a purifying, spiritual experience that brings one closer to a life of holiness. Your joy is in the Lord, and suffering does not diminish that. Suffering gets you on your knees, saying, "Behold, the handmaid of the Lord." And then the Lord will walk us through it, and we will emerge into the Light.

The Annunciation of the Angel Gabriel to Mary

Paths to God

In "God Versus a Random Higher Power," I suggested that the initial path to God might be found in any religious or spiritual tradition, and I'd like to elaborate on that idea. I think that God can use anything to lead a person to him, and the working of these mysterious ways is not always evident to someone else. My own spiritual journey is a good example. Baptized in the Church of Christ at the age of 8, I grew up in that denomination, followed by my family's membership in nondenominational and charismatic Christian churches. I was a very religious young person, active in church youth groups. My faith was challenged in college, but in the end it was strengthened as a result. As a single adult I did not always belong to a particular church but would sporadically attend when visiting my parents and grandparents. I went to a Church of Christ in Columbus, and then after I was married I attended the Unity Church, a metaphysical Christian denomination with some New Age elements. After moving to my current home I visited many churches and settled on the First Presbyterian, eventually being guided to the Catholic Church.

For many years along the way I searched for the Divine Feminine, and in my studies of goddess spirituality and mythology I encountered Kuan Yin, a bodhisattva of the Buddhist tradition, sometimes referred to as the Chinese goddess of mercy. From my experience with Kuan Yin I grew spiritually in the areas of compassion, empathy, and motherly love. I had found an image of the sacred feminine. She reminded me in some ways of Jesus, but otherwise I could not reconcile her with Christianity, so I still felt split. Once I called upon Mary, she quickly lead me back to her son, and finally I came to know the reflection of God's feminine face and maternal love in her. The masculine and feminine were reconciled for me in Catholicism.

The point is, while I may have appeared to veer dangerously off the path, God took what he had to work with, in my case, interest in goddess spirituality, and lead me to the fullness of the the Christian faith! For the alcoholic and his loved ones, I think a Catholic approach to the Twelve Steps could also be started from any religious tradition, or none, but I believe that God's will is for all humankind to join the mystical Body of Christ. This is where the full restoration of grace can be found. Alcoholics Anonymous and its affiliated groups are limited in what they can do toward providing help and healing. God can use those programs, and I believe he does, and they can serve as an initial path to the healing of alcoholism and its effects upon loved ones.

There are seven sacraments in the Catholic tradition which are signs of the grace we receive from God. I think that four of these--Baptism, Confirmation, the Eucharist, and Penance and Reconciliation--need to be integrated into the 12 Steps. Perhaps this could be done in conjunction with the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults. A person would not have to be Catholic, or even Christian at all, to begin the Catholic Twelve Steps, but there would be the hope of the restoration of the sanctifying grace which leads to wholeness and holiness for anyone who wants it--a true and lasting sobriety.