R.C.I.A.

This coming Sunday I will go to RCIA a half hour early for an "interview" to discuss how I feel about the process of formal initiation into the Catholic Church so far. There are many things I like about the group, such as alternating teachers every week, the sharing of religious and human experiences, and the deepening of my understanding regarding Catholic teaching. Just as with 12 Step groups such as Al-Anon, there are many different personalities that form the group whole. Our director has made a point to stress that we must be patient with each other, that every person is at a unique place on his or her spiritual path. So far I have not felt particularly bothered by anyone's personality. If I occasionally am, I chalk it up to my own mood!

That being said, some teachers are better, or at least resonate more with me, than others. Some stick to the topic at hand, while others seem barely to associate what they are teaching to the subject matter. Some teachers are more skilled leaders and keep idle chit chat to a minimum, while others allow one tangent after another. In some cases, I wish we would go more deeply into the topic, but most of the teachers supply handouts in addition to the official RCIA guidebook. We are expected to read the relevant material ahead of time in the primary book and be prepared to ask questions. Most of us have asked very good questions, and the answers from the staff are very instructive. I have especially liked how the program relates our personal lives to the workings of the Church, such as comparing family traditions to liturgical ones.

When the parish pastor taught two of the classes, it was so interesting and informative that we ran a half hour over schedule! I did not mind the extra time at all, but my husband was concerned with how late I was getting home. I told the director that I would need to leave on time, as I wanted my husband to remain feeling positive toward my faith journey. I was able to set that boundary kindly and make it particular to myself, rather than insisting that the class always needed to end when it was supposed to. She completely understood, and our class has finished on schedule since.

There is no pressure to stay with the group. We will have three opportunities to make the decision about whether to continue, and up till the end, we can make the decision not to formally join the Church. I have no doubt that at the Easter Vigil in March, I will find myself overjoyed, taking my First Communion and being welcomed into the arms of Holy Mother Church.

Mater Ecclesiae mosaic

Sabbatical

Under Mary's Mantle holy card

When you hear the word sabbatical, what probably comes to mind is the year off that college professors take from teaching, traditionally every seven years, in order to write, study, refresh, and fill the well. Anyone who teaches in any capacity runs the risk of burnout. One must occasionally take time off in order to have something to give one's students. While mothers cannot take an official sabbatical such as this, they are often encouraged to "take a break" from their children occasionally. I used to go to yoga class as a kind of sabbatical from the pressures of being a new mother. Dropping one's baby off at the nursery for church can be such a relief! Well, where I live, Catholics don't have Sunday school or a nursery for the little ones; everyone is in the sanctuary for Mass! But you get the picture.

Sabbatical can have a broader meaning, being a break from any sort of occupation, for the same reasons as the college professor takes one--to learn, to grow as a person, to recharge one's batteries. It usually still implies a substantial chunk of time, and it is different from a vacation. The idea is not just to be entertained or to go somewhere different from the place in which one lives. A sabbatical can be taken at home. It more has the flavor of going inward, of gestation. While we are not in the Advent season of the liturgical year right now, we may have a personal advent at any time of our lives. Some people cycle through a personal advent yearly with the official Advent time leading up to Christmas. But I think we all have personal cycles that include the advent experience, when we are preparing ourselves for some type of growth, or when we feel we need to distance ourselves from the outer world in some way before we can give of ourselves in certain ways again. Any woman who has been pregnant knows of this "nesting" period, this time of inner contemplation.

Many years ago a close friend of mine would regularly call me on the phone and talk exclusively for 10 minutes straight. When she was done, she would say she had to go and rush off the phone, never asking how I was doing or what I was up to. I didn't want to end the friendship, but I was growing weary of what seemed like her self-absorption. My solution was to scale back on the time I spent with her. And when she called, I let my answering machine pick it up most of the time. When I felt like listening to her and had nothing better to do for 10 minutes, I would return her call. This distancing (you might call it a sabbatical!) went on for about a year, and then on her own, my friend changed. I think she had been lonely and bored with her life, and she just needed someone to pay all of their attention to her sometimes. I set my boundaries without hurting her feelings or complaining about her behavior. I simply changed my behavior, and eventually my friend quit monopolizing conversations and asked about my life.

For awhile now I have been feeling that my life is going to take a decisive turn in a new direction, but I haven't gotten the divine message yet regarding exactly what that might be. I keep praying and waiting, not making any big decisions until I feel like the time is right. I know from experience that this is the best approach for me. I used to work as an esthetician at a day spa. When I first learned about this career possibility, I was really excited about the idea. My first facial had been heavenly, and I immediately had the intuition that this was something I might like to do. But it was a year and a half before I called the school about beginning the program in this field. I just woke up one day, literally, and said, "It's time!"

I will begin RCIA, the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults, in September. The nine months leading up to the Easter vigil, when I will be confirmed and take First Communion, will be a type of advent, a time of spiritual gestation and deep seeking. Perhaps this is the thing I am feeling is going to take precedence, while other activities take a back seat. I also want more time to write and have a book that is taking shape. I am not planning to participate in a homeschooling co-op this fall, and I am undecided regarding giving my usual dance classes. Since beginning my journey to Catholicism, I have a greater desire to make my family an even bigger priority, to savor every bit of my daughter's childhood, which has already gone so quickly, and to make my marriage stronger. The home should be a "domestic church", just like the body is a divine Temple. So I am following my inner rhythms, allowing myself to be guided by the Holy Spirit, drawing myself under Mary's mantle, and being open to the divinely led Sabbatical, the Advent of which consummation is no less than rebirth.

A Woman Scorned: On Setting Boundaries

Last night a drunk man said something disrespectful to me.  He failed to honor me and uphold the dignity of my womanhood.  In such cases Al-Anon would recommend the setting of boundaries, refusing to accept unacceptable behavior, having the courage to change the things we can.  Here's what happened.  Before I knew it, the words "How dare you!" flew out of my mouth, and I slapped him--hard--across the face.

This is not the Al-Anon way.  And I don't necessarily advise such actions.  Nor do I necessarily discourage them.  An intoxicated alcoholic is not going to hear, "I don't like it when you say such things to me," no matter how assertively you say it.  There is room in recovery for the honest, gut reaction.  Hell hath no fury like the wrath of a woman scorned, the old adage goes.  It is never a good idea to hit a physically abusive person. You could really get hurt if he retaliates.  But if he is not in a rage, but is rather in a docile but assinine state, the result of a firm slap, as in this case, could be stunned silence and the restoration of some humility.  Such a slap is shorthand for, "Show some respect!"  It was better than throwing myself into a screaming fit.  This was a relatively calm slap, done with some semblance of control.  It isn't easy to make an impression on a drunk man.  Of course, the mature, Christian, Twelve Step response would be to just simply walk away from the situation and discuss it when the man is sober.  That is what I officially advise.  But let me tell you a story.

The last time I slapped a man was 20 (or so) years ago.  I was dating a frat boy in college, and we went to an organized fraternity party, a dance with food, where the guys brought dates.  This was a respectable event, but everyone was drinking.  Well, I had had problems with a member of the fraternity, Haus, for a long time.  He was always picking on me, and he started up again that night.  Now, Haus was a big guy, intimidating.  But my natural, woman-scorned instinct was to haul off and slap that big bully across the shit-eating grin on his face.  I had had enough, and enough is enough.  Haus said nothing.  He was stunned.  And he never bullied me again.  In fact, he bragged about me to anyone who would listen.  He admired me, and we became friends.  A woman with a little bit of Elizabeth Taylor bombshell in her is not a bad thing.  To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.  Perhaps there is even a time for a good, hard slap across the face.

 Liz Taylor