Humility and Charity

"How might the virtues of humility, mildness, patience, and charity shape our thoughts and actions? First, by humbly striving to recognize the goodness that exists in others with whom we may disagree, even on seemingly fundamental issues, we are able to approach contested issues in a spirit of openness and good faith. Secondly, by practicing true mildness we may maintain a spirit of serenity, avoiding the introduction of a divisive tone or imprudent statements that will offend rather than promote peace and mutual understanding. Thirdly, by true patience we will recognize that in our striving after the arduous good we seek, we must be willing, when necessary, to accept suffering while waiting. Finally, even when we still feel the need to correct our brothers it must be with charity, in the proper time and place."  --Archbishop DiNoia

The archbishop's words say it all, don't they? A spirit of humility is necessary to be able to communicate with others patiently, gently and lovingly. And even then, we may have to accept suffering while we wait for the right time and place and the appropriate disposition in which to approach a brother or sister with a difficult problem. If peace and understanding do not underlie our efforts, then we must set our grievances aside. This is so very difficult, not to lash out, not to immediately assume that we know the intentions of another. Even if we keep our side of the street clean, we may still have to suffer someone else's anger, rejection, hurt feelings, etc...

There are still family relations in my life that have lost a certain level of closeness, where there is uncertainty and tension, while other relationships have come out of the dark night with great progress toward healing, hope and reconciliation. What I have learned is that I can only deal with my own part of the problem and allow others to be responsible for theirs. Sometimes an apology never comes; sometimes a guilty party will not own up to her part in the problem, or the damage she has done in reacting hastily and devoid of charity. I have also become aware that just because someone is a Christian, or goes to church, or has professional experience in an area that one might think would help him to know better how to react or behave, does not mean that person truly has Christ or a firm grasp of spiritual Truth. Intellectually knowing Jesus or having worldly knowledge of any kind does not equal the possession of Wisdom.

Often in Al-Anon meetings a member would acknowledge that a person with whom she was struggling did not have the benefit of the 12 Step program. Even though the help is available, some people are just not ready yet or willing to receive it. That is true not just of the support they might find in a 12 Step group, but the guidance they could be receiving from the Holy Spirit, the Church, or other people if they were humble enough to admit that they needed help, or open enough to consider that they may not be right about those things they have determined to be true. So time and again we return to the Wisdom expressed by the archbishop. We pray for ourselves and others, especially those people that cause us the most grief. We can consecrate ourselves to Jesus through Mary daily, and one day at a time give birth to the God of peace.

New Beginnings

 The Ascension

Happy New Year! I realize I have not been posting here often, and I suppose that is a good sign in regard to my recovery. It is a testimony to how much the Church has helped me to heal from the effects of alcoholism, depression, and mental illness in family members and friends. Interestingly, I find myself strangely not being the object of toxic attacks. Perhaps this is because my aura has changed. I have ceased putting out the signal that I need someone else's approval. I think that if you project the need to be rid of something, and especially if you pray often for it, God gives you more opportunities to fortify your will in accordance with His, to strengthen your faith by allowing adversity to be an answer to prayer. Yes, God does indeed work in mysterious ways! The other side of the coin is that I may be easier to be around, as I become more relaxed in the intense changes that my conversion has brought about. Hopefully I radiate peace, so peace is what I attract.

For example, I was in the presence last night of a person I try not to be around because of his surly disposition. I have in the past been emotionally harmed by him and left feeling very unbalanced. But he talked about the physical pain that he is never free from. Not by virtue of trying to complain about it, but simply that it is a cross he has born for so long that he seems to have come to a state of acceptance about it. Most days it isn't too bad, but sometimes it is terrible, and he lives with it. Who wouldn't be often grouchy in such a situation? He had a softness about him that showed me who he really is under the pain and suffering--a wounded child of God. He is a man of faith, but I couldn't help wishing that he had the Catholic Church to help him on his path to healing. What comfort the Eucharist might bring him, what help might be had by the intercession of the saints. A simple Catholic phrase like, "Offer it up" contains deep, spiritual wisdom. But the most appropriate thing to do in this situation was simply to provide a listening ear and a compassionate heart. It takes courage to share one's suffering. And naturally I will be praying a Rosary for the intention of his healing!

This is a good point of departure for contemplating new beginnings for the New Year. How can we be more understanding and compassionate? How can we let go of the tendency toward judgment and criticism? Most importantly, in what ways can we draw closer to our Lord? Once I have entered into full communion with the Church at the Easter Vigil, I plan to make an act of consecration to Jesus through Mary. Happily, I feel that I have forgiven the trespasses of others, but the sacrament of Confession will keep me taking honest inventory of myself, being sure to forgive myself and others before partaking of Holy Communion. It has been very difficult for me to experience the delay of receiving these sacraments, but I will have my first penance tomorrow! The new year is an opportunity for a clean slate, so make a plan, but realize that you can't go it alone; you need divine assistance. And the plan needs to be flexible, so that you can re-evaluate where you are on the path of your spiritual journey and make adjustments as need be. This is not the time for white-knuckle resolutions, but for contemplation followed by works inspired by the Holy Spirit. Let your motto be "One Day at a Time in 2013".

Grief and the Sorrowful Mysteries

I don't normally like to pray the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary.  But I was grateful for them yesterday when the news of a mass shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut shocked the nation.  Twenty children dead, all of them first graders.  My daughter and I were on our way to the library to meet up with some friends when my husband told me he had heard the breaking story on the radio.  We don't have TV reception, but I watched the coverage on the library's television.  I had brought my Rosary with me, and I began to pray.  Walking through Jesus' agony and brutal death, keeping tight under Mary's mantle, I found comfort.  There was something I could do for the victims and their families and friends, even for the shooter himself.  I could pray.

Reactions to a shocking grief such as this vary.  Some, like me, will cry.  Some will be very angry and want to find someone to blame, some way that what happened could have been controlled, prevented.  Still others will under-react, as if nothing all that big has happened.  There are even those who will take advantage of the horror in order to further a political agenda.  One friend of mine on the social network wanted to know where God was when those children were gunned down.  If someone would explain it to him, he said, he would be in church the next day.  We live in a fallen world.  We have the gift of free will, to choose either to do good or evil.  We want to know why.  But we may never have all the answers.

There may be a day to take political action, to protest against guns or poor school security.  But today is not that day.  Today is a day to mourn, to grieve, to pray.  It may also be a time for contemplation, even the beginning of a radical reorientation.  Some will pull their children out of school and educate them at home.  I am grateful today for the freedom to homeschool in this country, and glad for having made that choice.  But mostly I feel shocked into a deeper reality.  We only have today, and there are many who will no longer be walking this earth by the time the sun goes down.  How we choose to spend each and every waking day does matter.  How we treat one another and our relationship with God is top priority.  If we choose to hate the shooter, or the government, or the laws, or the guns, we miss the point.  The only reality is Love.  That is the only place we can go if life is to have meaning, if we truly want to understand.  Pick up your beads, get down on your knees, and talk to the One who is Eternal Love.  There is your solace, your peace, your strength, and your hope.

One Day at a Time in Advent

As with everything else in life, we can only prepare for Christmas one day at a time. "One Day at a Time" is one of the main slogans of AA, Al-Anon, and other 12 Step groups. Each of us has the same 24 hours a day, and there is a limit to what we can accomplish in that period of time, especially since we must be sure to sleep at least 7 to 8 hours per night! I need more like 9 to 10 hours to feel properly rested.

Some may wish to hurry up and get Christmas over with. This is a tempting attitude, since for many, especially those dealing with the alcoholism and other dysfunctions of close family members, holiday gatherings are dreaded. Perhaps there is too much drinking and bickering, or old resentments rear their dragon-like heads, or financial strain is especially felt at this time. But to miss out on the spiritual richness of Advent would be a sorrowful state of affairs. The Catholic Church, as usual, provides the way to meaning and wholeness in this special season.

We are no longer in "ordinary time".  It's time now to contemplate the extraordinary, the day when our Savior was born into this world, a divine child suckled at the breast of his human mother, Mary. Pray the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary and put yourself there in the stable. See the starlight cutting through the darkness and shining upon the baby lying in the manger, asleep on the hay. Imagine the awe of the shepherds visited by an angel who heard the angelic choir ringing out in the night. Behold the gifts of the magi, fit for a king--the King of Kings. Contemplate His humility, His vulnerability, and His reason for coming.

Not officially in this Nativity scene is the little drummer boy of the Rankin-Bass television program. If you can't catch it on TV, check it out on video from your library. It always, without fail, makes me cry. I think it's because the little drummer boy discovers not just the true meaning of Christmas, but of life. He thinks he has no gift to bring, but then he plays his drum for Jesus. This was the boy's purpose in life, to use his musical talent for the glory of God. What gifts has God given you? How well do you use them? This Advent season, make a commitment to use your gifts in alignment with the will of God, to share with others for His honor. This will give your life purpose.

Go to Mass. Light your own Advent candles every Sunday and have dinner with your family by their light each evening. Shop for gifts with bringing joy to the recipient in mind. Eat healthy, and don't overindulge in the sweets. Keep your house picked up, and by all means put up a Christmas tree, even just a small one, and even if you live alone. Decorate your home not just for the holidays, but for winter, making your environment warm and cheerful even on the coldest of days.

Lift the flap on an Advent calendar and read the message with your children every day. My daughter's religious education teacher had the children make a construction paper chain to count down the days till Christmas, and Beezy loves seeing how many days are left. We read the messages and do what they say, such as, "Make popcorn for your family", and she is having a great time following the instructions. Today's message: "Look up at the wonder of the night sky tonight and say thanks to God." Be a kid again, experiencing the wonder of Christmas through the eyes of a child. Establish family traditions. They are worth the effort, and keep them simple. And like my RCIA director said, if whatever you do to prepare for Christmas doesn't bring you closer to Jesus, just don't do it!

R.C.I.A.

This coming Sunday I will go to RCIA a half hour early for an "interview" to discuss how I feel about the process of formal initiation into the Catholic Church so far. There are many things I like about the group, such as alternating teachers every week, the sharing of religious and human experiences, and the deepening of my understanding regarding Catholic teaching. Just as with 12 Step groups such as Al-Anon, there are many different personalities that form the group whole. Our director has made a point to stress that we must be patient with each other, that every person is at a unique place on his or her spiritual path. So far I have not felt particularly bothered by anyone's personality. If I occasionally am, I chalk it up to my own mood!

That being said, some teachers are better, or at least resonate more with me, than others. Some stick to the topic at hand, while others seem barely to associate what they are teaching to the subject matter. Some teachers are more skilled leaders and keep idle chit chat to a minimum, while others allow one tangent after another. In some cases, I wish we would go more deeply into the topic, but most of the teachers supply handouts in addition to the official RCIA guidebook. We are expected to read the relevant material ahead of time in the primary book and be prepared to ask questions. Most of us have asked very good questions, and the answers from the staff are very instructive. I have especially liked how the program relates our personal lives to the workings of the Church, such as comparing family traditions to liturgical ones.

When the parish pastor taught two of the classes, it was so interesting and informative that we ran a half hour over schedule! I did not mind the extra time at all, but my husband was concerned with how late I was getting home. I told the director that I would need to leave on time, as I wanted my husband to remain feeling positive toward my faith journey. I was able to set that boundary kindly and make it particular to myself, rather than insisting that the class always needed to end when it was supposed to. She completely understood, and our class has finished on schedule since.

There is no pressure to stay with the group. We will have three opportunities to make the decision about whether to continue, and up till the end, we can make the decision not to formally join the Church. I have no doubt that at the Easter Vigil in March, I will find myself overjoyed, taking my First Communion and being welcomed into the arms of Holy Mother Church.

Mater Ecclesiae mosaic

The Healing Balm of Truth & Beauty

The natural beauty of the autumn season on a warm, sunny day can hardly be surpassed. Today is such a day, and I am filled with gratitude for the Beauty I have discovered in the Catholic Church. I remember as an English major in college studying the poetry of the Romantics, who capitalized words such as Truth and Beauty. Perhaps this capitalizing of ideals was working in my subconscious and then began to surface as I searched for the right church home for me and my family.  I suspected that the secular idea of finding one's own, personal truth was faulty. "I have to speak my truth," people will say. And even in the sphere of religion this is true, for as Protestant denominations first broke from the Catholic faith, so they have continued to splinter amongst themselves, being defined more by the nature of protest from which the name of Protestant springs, than they are as a beacon of the light of Christ. Even among professing Catholics there is division, as some wish to join the secular parade of self-defined truth. Yet the Church herself cannot error in her official teachings, and she is indeed the last Christian bastion of Truth.

12 Step groups by their nature contain only a portion of the truth, as they by necessity must refrain from proclamations of absolute, God-given Truths. And so while spiritually based, these groups remain secular, and the fullness of healing cannot be found. Help can be found, yes, and there are those wise souls who speak the Truth for others to hear. They are models of faith and charity, and they selflessly share their experience, strength and hope. But perhaps the 12 step groups are like those places in the world that do not know the season of autumn, who have not lived through the physical transformation of color, smell, texture, and sound, the migratory flight of birds, the last call before what looks like death but is only dormancy. Winter is but a dark night of the soul, a waiting place before new life bursts forth from black soil into the light.

Some misunderstand the Truth of Catholicism as a starkness of black and white. They do not understand the both/and nature of the Church; they do not see the in between places where faith grows in stages, where the soul is transformed into a harmony of dazzling color and ineffable Beauty. They ignore the poetry because it is too subtle, too simple, too ordinary to sense the profound depths of the underground river of Life.

Lady Wisdom can be apprehended in the patterns and changing colors of autumn, in the fragrance of burning wood and the crisp air breathed on the night of the harvest moon. She invites us to wake up and taste the cider, put on a costume and dream of who we might be if we only had the courage, if only the wizard really could put valor into our cold, frightened hearts. Imagine for a moment that Beauty is real, and that she can lead you by the hand to Truth. Right here, right now, Love is ours for the asking. Knock, and it will be opened unto you.

Formal Process toward the Church

I am finally a member of R.C.I.A., the Catholic Church's Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults! I began my journey to the Church around this time last year, but by the time I inquired into RCIA, it was too late to join the group. Alas I have had to wait a long time to partake of Holy Communion, and I will still be waiting until the Easter Vigil. Happily, Easter comes in March this year, so my wait will be shorter than many have experienced.

I think I will share my RCIA journey on this particular blog, as the group experience is somewhat similar to what one might find in 12 Step groups such as AA and Al-Anon. In fact, I got a ride home on Sunday with one of the staff members after the class, and she mentioned that anything shared in the class is confidential and should not go outside the group. The RCIA leader is a former member of Al-Alon, like myself, so I was not surprised by this at all. Sunday's topic was faith, and one staff member shared her spiritual journey and how she came to be Catholic. This was similar to an AA lead. RCIA emphasizes taking this journey together and how each person is in a unique place, and we must be patient with one another. There is no pressure to join the Church at the end of the process. You can learn about the faith as you go and decide for yourself whether it is for you.

Our group will still take new members into October, so if you are interested in learning more about the Catholic Church and would like a supportive group environment in which to explore this religion, contact your local parish. What do you have to lose?